Ooooohhhh man. Hello anxiety! I am trying to keep it in check because I realize that the boys feel everything I feel, so when I get totally overwhelmed, I try to just breathe and enjoy being home while I can. Having to stay at the hospital after my last MFM appointment was very unexpected, even though I had prepared clothes and things ahead of time. There is a moment tomorrow that I'm really dreading, when they are checking my cervix and there is a moment of silence while they measure it. I really like the staff at the MFM office a lot, but I can't help but dread going there at this point. While it is easy to wish that this pregnancy had been as easy as with Keaton, I guess it makes me realize that, if everything pans out, this will be my last pregnancy. I will take whatever I get, and be happy that my little guys have been healthy and even ornery so far. I am glad they are doing well, despite the environment they have to endure. They are tough little dudes.
I have lost track of the days I've been home. They have been a big, happy blur. I think I get up less than I did at the hospital, because I am not being pumped with IV fluids, which makes my trips to the bathroom less frequent. I am sure to drink lots of water every day, and I have a system- each time I drink, I take (lucky number) seven big chugs of it.I average about 2 ounces or more per drink. My huge water jug from the hospital holds up to 30 oz, and I'm drinking about three of those each day. For my small body, I think it all pans out to the amount they want me to have. I don't know that I could handle much more at this point! I need to spike it with flavor, it's getting really boring! But every time I drink, I think about my babies, and how much they need it. So I'll keep chuggin'.
My favorite parts of being home... may be too many to count. I love seeing Keaton's face light up when he sees me, and the hugs and kisses I get whenever he's around. I love watching Curious George with him every morning. I love the big box of goodies Grandma Hetrick sent that I've been snacking on every day, and the loads of holiday cards we get in the mail. I love the care package my friends sent today with books, magazines, brain games, and cookies. I even love my stinky dog. My own bed. I love our shower equipped with a new shower chair (I feel a little old) and I LOVE the DVR and catching up on all the recorded TV I missed while in the hospital. I love the food I get to eat and the clothes I get to wear. Smelling coffee brewing even though I don't drink it. Surprises with bowls of ice cream. The big warm blanket that I wrap up in while laying on the couch. Not being attached to machines. Fading bruises from needle pricks. Feeling like it's actually Christmastime. Reading books to Keaton at night. So many things. I get emotional thinking about it, and although I know if I have to go back into the hospital tomorrow, it will only be temporary. I will try my best to be upbeat about it again. But part of me will know exactly what I'm missing while I'm there, and that will be hard since I didn't think I'd be home right now... I am trying to be realistic. I just want to stay home.
Alright, enough of that. Tomorrow at 11, we will know more. So until then, I will continue living in the moments here at home, and hope that I get more of them- especially next week for Christmas. Here goes nothing!!
-Ashley
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