Update

Things are improving. I feel generally better this week, despite the fact that Little Man is not sleeping well (still) and Casey's had a super stressful week with work. I do think the counselor is helping... it's nice to just get out and talk to a non-biased person about things going on in life, just to have a sounding board. So far so good.

I still struggle with second-guessing myself all the time when it comes to Keaton, though. Today at our mother/baby class, I felt like all the kids around us were doing things that Keaton "should" be doing at this point. One 3.5 month old is already supporting most of his weight and is practically sitting up on his own. Others are 4 months and rolling around like it's nothing. And others are sleeping through the night... even if that means for 6 hour stretches. One of the nurses that runs the class said that as each new milestone is reached, they will digress a bit in something they've already learned. While I honestly don't think anything is wrong with Keaton, I still have those little doubts in the back of my mind about what he "should" be doing at this point. It's actually kind of annoying. He's a healthy, happy kid, and besides the fact that he's not getting enough sleep right now (I assume because of teething) and that he's addicted to the binky, I think things are just fine. He's very engaged in things- especially people- and laughs and smiles quite a bit now. I think it will be good for me to continue to go to class (and better if I try not to compare my kid to others) but he always seems to do better when he's around other people. Sooo... that's the plan.

My poor husband is so stressed out with multiple things going on at work right now that with the exception of Saturday when we went to a neighbor's pool party, I really haven't seen him much as he's been glued to the computer working on various projects. I'm not sure if I've ever met anyone as hard working as Casey. Sure, I know plenty of people that are busy, but it's hard to find people that are as driven and dedicated as he is. We are really lucky that he's so capable and is providing so much for us. I am really thankful that I get to stay home with Keaton (and sometimes thankful for working 2 days a month and getting a little break, and a little paycheck). ;) It's also great for Keaton to get to spend a whole day with Daddy at least 2 days a month, too. They both seem to really enjoy it!

I still miss Charley and think about him multiple times a day, but now the thoughts seem happier, more like good memories as opposed to sad thoughts about him being gone. I can't believe it's almost been a month, though. I talk to Keaton about him and show him pictures of his puppy every now and then. I'm really thankful that we have video of them together. I look forward to showing Keaton the videos some day... heck, I want to watch a few of them now so I can see how much Keaton has changed, and see good old CB again. Time is really flying. Keaton is 5 months old as of this past Monday. I wonder what this month has in store for us? Hopefully better sleep!!!!

That's all for now... I need to put Keaton down for a nap (haha!) and eat some lunch. And stay out of this crazy hot summer weather! Grey's Anatomy reruns, here I come!

-Ashley