Reflections

Oh, October.

It snuck up on me. I adore this month- the leaves changing, the crispness in the air. Even football. Maybe I like the excitement that other people have about football, but it's contagious excitement nonetheless. I love hot chocolate (esp. salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks), chili, s'mores, hooded sweatshirts. HALLOWEEN!!!

October brings back so many memories for me... Bugging my Mom to death as a child about what I was going to be for Halloween, and then wishing it was more than just one day so I could show off whatever awesome costume she made. [The toilet costume in 4th grade (the absolute best costume of my childhood, no doubt!) and the Spartan Cheerleader costumes she made Casey and I as adults were my faves. I will say it again- I only hope I can make Halloween as exciting for Keaton as Mom made for me!] Taking a walk with my Dad around our neighborhood as a kid and picking up all the pretty leaves, then coming home and pressing them between sheets of waxed paper... Swinging and listening to music for hours and hours... Going out for pizza and to haunted houses with my swimming teacher Pam and her husband Thomas (and stealing all the mushrooms off his pizza at dinner, and burying my head in his chest at the haunted house because I was too freaked out to open my eyes...lol...)... Going with friends to the haunted houses in Kansas City and nearly peeing my pants when a midget jumped out at me... I could go on and on.

Grandma, Mom, and I- May 2000, my high school graduation

I can't talk about an October memory, though, without remembering October 6th, 2000, the night my Grandma passed away. I will refrain from recapping that night, because even though it's been awhile, it still hurts just as much if I allow myself to remember. I just want to acknowledge the impact that she had on my life. I learned so much from her, and wish that I would have realized how special she was when I had her around and actually told her how much she meant to me. I was just out of high school, and really didn't realize the value of much of anything. If only my almost-30-year-old self could go back and give my 18-year-old self a little talking to... I definitely would have done things differently. But what I take away from this experience is that you have to realize what is right in front of you, and enjoy it to the fullest while you can, because there is no promise that it will be there tomorrow. I cherish each and every memory I have from Octobers past... and the lessons I've learned from them.

I wonder what my 40-something-year-old self would say to my almost-30-year-old self?

-Ash