Decoding the Kid

Keaton slept so much yesterday, I kind of had a feeling last night was going to be interesting. Glad I follow my gut more these days (which is melting away, thank you breastfeeding!). ;) I bring you to 11 pm last night, when I was exhausted and laying in bed to go to sleep. I knew it wouldn't last. Suddenly my little Keaton alarm went off and I whisked him out of the room so Casey could get some sleep. I fed him and changed his diaper, and thought we were good to go. The second I laid him down again in his bassinet, he was screaming again. So I took him back in the nursery and attempted to give him more food. All he would do was scream and scream. It got to the point where I was sitting on the floor with him, and I was about to lose it. Not the first time I've been close to tears in the past 2 weeks... in fact, I've cried almost every day, for one reason or another! Damn these hormones!

Anyway, I'm sitting there, staring at him and thinking, "God, I don't know what's wrong with him!! How am I going to do this??" when suddenly it really hit me. He was in pain. Every time he would let out a loud, high-pitched squeal, he would double up and put his feet to his chest. He is obviously having a lot of tummy issues (judging by the noises coming out of his little bum on a frequent basis!) so the more I watched him, the more I am convinced that the Teapot cry means pain. It only took me 12 days to realize this.

We've been giving him gas drops, and I think they may be working a bit, but not totally. Mom thinks he has colic. :( We go back for his 2 week appointment tomorrow to the Pediatrician, so hopefully they'll be able to shed some light on what's happening. The worst feeling is knowing your kid is in pain and there's nothing you can do about it. If this is just a gas issue, etc., then I have NO idea what I will do when he breaks his arm or needs medical attention... I'm going to be a mess!

Speaking of messes, and crying, I definitely started bawling while watching the movie Up the other night. Turns out a lot of people cried at that movie, so I have felt better after the moral support on Facebook, but the thing that scared me is that I went from watching a freaking Disney movie to being an absolute mess in a matter of minutes. We went out to get some food the other day (I think it was Sunday, but all my days are blurring together right now...) and I heard a song on the radio and cried into my gyro sandwich. It just hits me sometimes. The worst part is that it will come out of NO WHERE, or I will completely overreact about things. I keep thinking Casey is mad at me, and then I'll lose it. Nine times out of 10, he doesn't even have a problem with me. So yeah, the hormone changes and crying are definitely a downside to the whole Motherhood thing.

The up sides are that I have this awesome little kid to stare at all day, who smells good (at least the top half of him does, anyway) and makes cute little faces all the time. He looks around a lot and has his eyes open quite a bit now. He brings out a really cute side in his Daddy, who could not be prouder of him. And every time I look at Casey now, I see Keaton, which makes me love Casey even more. :-D Yes, I'm tired, but taking those little naps with Keaton (esp when he lays on my chest) are totally worth it. He's pretty amazing.

I guess I just have to realize (and am starting to) that this will be the toughest, but most rewarding job I will ever have. It will be interesting to see how next week goes, since I have gotten used to my mom doing everything around here and now it will be on me to maintain the house, etc... not that Casey isn't helping, but it's also not fair for him to work all day long to provide for us, then come home and have to do all the household stuff, too. And he has offered to help with dinner and other things around the house, which is awesome. It's going to be a big adjustment for us, but we will get through it. I'm sure I'm still going to have times where I sit on the floor with Keaton and try not to have a breakdown, but as soon as those moments pass, I realize that I really CAN do this... and everything is going to be okay.