Milestones and Mohawks

Check this dude out. He's kind of awesome. He's made so much progress the last few days, gaining... over 100 grams in 48 hours? I think that's about right. His coloring has changed so much since he got his nasal cannula out on Monday. He was much more aware yesterday. I actually saw his eyes open more yesterday than I ever have! Casey and I started worrying about him because Nik was awake so much more... but you can't compare the two. Little Rowan was behind from the start, and he is trying so hard to compete with his bro. 

(Breastfeeding moment ahead- you've been warned.) Example: Yesterday I got to meet with the lactation consultant to try to get both of them to start nursing. They both love their pacifiers and seem to have the suck/swallow/breathe thing down pretty well (which indicates they are more mature developmentally than their measurements would indicate). Both boys latched yesterday. They may not have gotten much milk, but they certainly tried. Nik was a lot more gentle than Rowan. Rowan bit me so hard that I felt pain even an hour later! (And that's without teeth!!!) That little kid is determined. He was trying to eat so much that he actually started choking, which was about the scariest thing I've ever seen as a Mom. I was nursing him, and he got a mouthful of milk, and then I heard him cough a little and pulled him off. He kept making a noise indicating that he couldn't breathe... I couldn't get to the call light... no nurses were in the room.... I lifted him up and started massaging his throat and patting him on the back. Then he cried and it was okay again. But God help me, I will probably have PTSD from that moment when I feed him for awhile. That was incredibly scary. (Understatement.) I am so glad he was hooked up to monitors and that the nurses came in- I am also glad that some kind of strange instinct kicked in for me and I was able to get him to breathe. It want until the while thing was over that I totally freaked out. Ugh...yikes. Anyway, he recovered just fine, thank the Lord. So the boys are rally doing well. They had head ultrasounds on Monday to check for any brain bleeds, which came back negative. Rowan has a tiny, freckle-sized cyst in his brain, but it is one he will grow out of and is very common. It is not in a place that will do any damage, so it should take care of itself. They will get had ultrasounds again in a month. Hopefully they will come home shortly afterward! The nurses are talking about moving them to one room soon. I can't wait to see them together! I think when Rowan starts gaining more weight, they will look more identical. But if one is a little smaller than the other, maybe I won't get them confused. :-) Keaton is super excited about being a big brother, and asks if they are going to come home almost every day. Casey and I make videos for him when we are holding the his, so he can "meet" them. He is so confused about why they aren't home yet and why he can't see them. The neonatologist told us that when they come home, Keaton shouldn't touch them for a month or so...I think that may be impossible. We will try to be a careful as possible...I just don't know how to regulate that! In other news, I got permission to drive again, so I drive the van for the first time yesterday! I actually really like it! I don't feel like I'm driving a van, that's for sure. I'm driving myself to my doctor today...looks like I caught Keaton's cold. :-( I have to miss visiting the boys until I feel well again. I'm sad, but I have the NICU phone number and have called it twice since I can't be with the boys. Time to rest and get better. I miss my tiny dudes, though. I guess that's all for now. More soon! Ash

The twins are one week old!

Piglet and Paper (aka Nik and Rowan) are passing so many milestones, I don't think I can keep up with all of them. Really, the technical/scientific aspect of the boys' stay in the NICU (aka Casey's specialty) is almost completely lost on me. You'd think after a whole week in the NICU I would kind of understand how things work... yet, all I really care about is how the boys are doing in general, and I try not to get caught up in most of the numbers. So forgive me if I am only showing you the emotional/touchy-feely side of NICU. Too bad Case didn't start a blog so you could get the other side.

Rowan without nasal cannula

Anyway, the boys have really gone through so much this week and have exceeded expectations (much like their Daddy on a regular basis. Nik and Rowan have both eaten from bottles now. They are BOTH on room air now, and I was able to see Rowan get his nasal cannula out today! And... *breastfeeding moment ahead* Rowan tried to latch today!! That little dude is a fighter! I am excited to see him try things that his brother is doing as well. Rowan gets fed an hour after Nik, but he starts getting fussy as soon as Nik is eating. The crazy part is, they are in separate (but joined) rooms. I doubt he can smell the milk, but he seems to sort of *know* what is going on... twin intuition? I guess we will see! They both got bottles today and did pretty well! They are probably going to move Nik up to two bottles a day and the rest through the NG tube. They are both almost at their birth weights as well. Keep it up, boys!!

I really enjoyed my time at the hospital today. I was there from 11 a.m. until about 4 p.m. when Casey and I left to pick up Keaton from school. A big snowstorm came today so it was nice to hang out inside and spend time with my babies. Casey met me at the hospital cafeteria for lunch, then we got to upstairs and hold the boys. I held Rowan and Case held Nik. Rowan cracks me up. He cries SO loud the nurses can hear him all the way down the hall! He gets really wound up. He also sticks out his little bottom lip just like Keaton used to when he'd get mad. He's like an adorable little baby bird.

Nik's crazy hair after head ultrasound

 They both got head ultrasounds today to make sure they didn't have any brain bleeds or any other concerns. They both passed without any problems. They had the awesome ultrasound gel all over their heads, which would explain Nik's crazy bedhead. :) I still cannot believe how much hair they both have! I wonder if most of it will fall out, or how it will change in color as they grow. I'm sure it will eventually be darker, but I wonder if they'll stay more blonde? Only time will tell. I love it, though.

I got to go with Mom to take Keaton to school today. I officially get to drive now! I chose not to, and probably won't really try until all this snow calms down. I am scared to drive the minivan by itself, especially with snow involved. Maybe I'll get gutsy tomorrow and try it... we will see! Not excited about this weather. But Keaton is! He got to help Daddy shovel the driveway, then make a tiny snowman, and his first snow angel! I'm glad he and Case got to hang out together... I wish I could have played in it, too. But it was fun to watch them out the window (and stay inside where it's warm!).

Snow Buddy

That's about all for now.. I KNOW I left out tons of details. I'll try to catch up again tomorrow!

-Ash

Update on the Tiny Twins

The boys are doing so well! NICU life is so strange, and it's a weird sort of normal to try to adjust to... alarms going off, not being able to hold the babies, new nurses and new milestones every day. But the last two days have been very good for them. Nik is proving to be the eater of the two, which does not shock anyone as he was 8 ounces bigger than little Rowan from the get-go. Nik is now up to 13 ml of breastmilk every 3 hours now. I think he was at 7 yesterday, so that's quite a nice jump. Rowan is up to 11 ml and despite a tiny bit of spit up this morning, he's been maintaining it well. Rowan needs to gain some weight, though! He gained 10 ounces yesterday and then lost 5 overnight. But every time he cries or gets upset at all, he burns calories, and he tends to be the fussier of the two, so I guess it's not surprising. He qualifies for Early Intervention because he has been at or below 3 pounds for awhile now. I don't know what all that entails, but hopefully he will pass his eye tests that are coming up in the next few weeks, among other tests he will have to go through. He has also jumped up the amount he is eating, though. I am proud of all that the boys have accomplished in the last 36 hours. They both got off phototherapy (treatment for jaundice) but will probably go back on it soon, which is understandable. Even 7 pound Keaton was a bit jaundice at first, so no shock, really. They are eating better, and Nik is now on room air. Rowan still has 2 liters of forced flow air, up from one liter overnight. He was breathing a little faster than they wanted him to so our awesome nurse Angela put him back at 2. They will see how he does with that today, but overall he's really starting to stabilize and there is talk about them taking his nasal cannula out today (so we can see that little handsome face more clearly!).

Now for the boobie part of the blog- skip ahead to the ***** if you don't want to hear about milk production, etc.

I am now going to take a moment to brag on breastfeeding/pumping. I am proud of my 'ladies'. They are producing milk better than I ever could have hoped. Guess what? Size really doesn't matter here, people. I am keeping a log of every time I pump and am stocking up the NICU fridge enough that they had to start freezing some of the milk because there wasn't much room left. Woot! (This is like a dorm-sized refrigerator... I'm not talking gallons of milk or anything.) Keaton has of course become interested in the hospital breast pump and what I'm doing, so I try to be discrete and just tell him that I'm making milk for the babies. I was stocking up the insulated bag to take to the hospital the other morning and Keaton came in and asked what everything was. I told him it was milk, and he peeked in the bag and said, "There's three gallons!" LOL... there wasn't... but who knows what my numbers will be when the boys are home and drinking more. I feel like a cow, and I've never been as happy to exclaim it. I feel like this is the one thing I can really do to help my boys, so I will celebrate every milliliter that I can produce! Here's why I'm excited:

2/20 (Day after boys were born): 31 ml
2/21: 68 ml
2/22: 158 ml
2/23: 259 ml
2/24: After just 4 pumping sessions today, I have 189 ml. I am super excited that the ladies are producing!!

I just wrote a ton and for some reason it got erased... so frustrating! Anyway, I was doing Kangaroo Care with Nik the other night, and my body sensed that he was there and I started leaking a bit. (That feels like TMI, but you are in the boobie part of the blog, so don't say I didn't warn ya!) Nik freaked out because he must have smelled the milk, so he moved his tiny head over to my breast and tried latching!! I was shocked!! I called the nurse in and she said that he could nuzzle it but could not start eating because he's not ready for the flow yet and could choke. He is making great strides, though. He took part of his milk this morning through a bottle for Angela, but he got too excited and tried taking in too much and his heart rate became too fast. They are going to keep trying with him, though. I think he's going to be a breastfeeding success sooner than later, though. I certainly hope so!! Now we just need his brother to keep eating and start gaining.

*****
 I got to hold Rowan for the first time yesterday. Nik got to put on a t-shirt yesterday (or maybe the day before) so that was the first time he wore clothes. Nik is very alert and was looking all around when Casey held him yesterday. We made a little video for Keaton to introduce him to Nik, and Keaton loved it. He made me play it twice. I think we will try to do it with Rowan next time we have him out. Rowan is much more fragile and will open his eyes every now and then, but usually just peeks out and closes them quickly. He likes to squeak and definitely lets you know when he's upset! He's the 'loud' one. I cannot get over how much hair these boys have!!! Tons of blond/strawberry blond hair. I don't know how much they would have had if they had gone full-term! I almost feel like they'll need a trim when they come home! But I won't do it. Right now they remind me of Woodstock from Charlie Brown... cute, spiky, unruly 'yellow' hair. It's adorable. They look like little soccer hooligans. :)

We are heading back to the hospital later today before dinner to see them again. Hopefully we'll get more good news. They are going potty just fine and wear the tiniest diapers I have ever seen. We went to Babies R Us (the first place I shopped after getting off bed rest/giving birth) and of course, my darn hormones kicked in in full effect yesterday, so I saw preemie clothes and started bawling in the middle of the store! So embarrassing. I knew it would happen eventually, though. I'm pretty sure it's only going to get worse, but I least I knew what to expect this time around, and I don't feel like I'm losing my mind. Anything will set me off... I'm not sad (other than wishing the boys could be home) but I'm super sensitive to feelings. If I see someone else sad, I cry. If someone said something nice to me, I cry. It comes on suddenly and has left just as suddenly, too... but it's still frustrating. I'm going to make an appointment to see my counselor next week if I can, so I can talk things out and clear my head. I am a little nervous because I know the NICU can be a roller coaster in itself, and we've had two and a half good days, so the realist/pessimist in me figures we will have a setback of some kind soon. I hate that my brain works that way, but I am just thankful for all the milestones the boys have met over the past few days. They are certainly fighters, there's no doubt!!

So life has done a 180 in less than a week, and so far I feel very good about it. There was most likely a problem with the placenta that the boys shared, so I think they are much better out than in. I worry about Rowan, and hope that he overcomes the obstacles ahead of him... but if he's like his Daddy (and I'm learning that I'm stronger than I thought I was, too)... he's going to overcome this. And so are we. Pregnancy had ups and downs... and someday the NICU stint will be a memory just as bed rest is now. I celebrate all the little things I can do now: Shop, eat while sitting up, move, dance, put on my own socks, see my feet again, play with Keaton, eat whatever I want (!!!!!), wear clothes I couldn't wear in months... it's ALL GOOD. I am thankful that I had all the bed rest I did. But I'm thankful that it's over. And I'm thankful for all the crazy times ahead with the boys... I think this experience will put everything in perspective for me now. Hell, I'm thankful for the 2-2.5 hours of sleep I get now between pumping sessions- I was only getting 45-60 minutes of sleep while pregnant because I had to pee all the time! Bladder is back to normal. I'm thankful for that, too.

Daddy and Rowan

I am so very thankful, though, that Casey is the Daddy to my boys. They are lucky to have such a strong, intelligent, caring man to be their role model. He has still managed to balance work, NICU life, Keaton, home life, and make everything run as smoothly as possible. He is amazing... nothing short of it. I am proud to call him my husband and partner in this... because it's not easy, but he makes me stronger. I feel lucky for the handsome men in my life. :-D

That is plenty for now. I'm sure I forgot things and left tons of details out... hopefully they'll come back to me later. I've posted a few more pictures on Flickr of the littlest Hetricks. :)

Next time I write I will try to update on the visit from the Hetricks, and Keaton's second 3rd birthday celebration yesterday. He was a very happy camper. :)

-Ash

Little Blessings

Kangaroo Care with Nik

I am trying to remember all the things that have happened today! First off, if you don’t want to hear about anything regarding breastfeeding/pumping, then skip ahead a paragraph. I am pretty excited about how much milk I’m getting already! I have been pumping fairly religiously every 3 hours, and the boys are getting a good amount to start them off. They are only taking 1 cc every 3 hours now (bumped up today, they were doing it every 6 hours earlier in the day but they are tolerating more now, so that’s great!). Little guys like Nik and Rowan tend to have ‘gut issues’, so we are hoping they keep taking it and increasing the amount they can have each day. Also, hands-free breast pump bra = BEST GIFT EVER. I am going to go out and get at least one more of those, it is wonderful!!!!

Again, I am sad to admit that there are a lot of technical things that are going on with the boys that I don’t quite understand yet. Casey has a good grasp of them, and I’m sure I could have him tell me in layman’s terms, but I can’t wrap my head around numbers and statistics and things like that right now. Who knows if I ever really will, actually. My brain is pretty fried right now. But from what I understand, the boys are both improving in their own ways, and that’s all I can hope for. I believe they are both weaned down to room air (21% oxygen, I think?) so that’s a nice improvement, especially for Rowan. They both like to pull out their tubes (especially Nik, who is shocked??) and Rowan gets pretty upset when he’s not put in his ‘nest’ very well. He kicks his little feet everywhere and squeals like a little bird when he’s mad. Both of the boys remind me of Woodstock from Peanuts with their unruly blond hair… it is probably my favorite thing about them right now. Or maybe the little hands and feet. Or maybe when they hear our voices and peek their little blue eyes open. Rowan will turn his head whenever he hears Daddy. Nik practically did push ups earlier while doing his bilirubin treatment on his tummy- he is so strong! He also calms down when I say shhhh; I got to do Kangaroo Care (when you hold the baby skin-to-skin) today with Nik, which was wonderful. He calmed down quickly, and anytime he would start crying I could shush him and he would almost instantly stop.  They are both having bowel movements and taking in more milk (which, if you measure it, is not much.) They will have to learn how to eat eventually.  We have a long road ahead, but they are both feisty and I think they will do just fine. The NICU roller coaster is probably just as crazy as the bed rest coaster was… this is the ride of our lives. I just can’t wait for the days when we can hold them, feed them, introduce them to their big brother, and take them home. 

Casey and I spent almost 3 hours in the NICU today when we got to hold Nik. Casey got to hold him, too, which was very sweet. I will post more of those pictures soon. I have finally let my guard down and have started going to the NICU on my own. I was really intimidated to go there. I felt guilty because I wanted to be there, but I’m also terrified, in a way. It is so hard to see your babies connected to so many machines, with tubes coming out everywhere, alarms going off all the time, etc. We haven’t gotten to see their faces without tubes and tape all over them since they were born. They are so tiny, I always feel like I’m going to hurt them if I touch them, so I tend to stand back and just peek into the isolette. I have tried giving both of them their pacifiers (Nik loves his!) and it seems like Rowan is going to start taking to his soon, possibly. He started clicking his tongue a bit tonight, and Nik has been doing that the whole time. I thought Nik was rooting a little bit, but he was luckily satisfied by his pacifier. Nursing won’t happen for at least a few weeks, I’m sure.

Keaton got to come visit me tonight! He gave me ‘ice cream kisses’ (where he would eat ice cream and then kiss me and get some on my face). Casey’s coworker Jake came up to visit us tonight, and he got to go in and see the boys. We found out that we can have visitors that aren’t family! We thought it was only family, age 16+. I’m happy to know that others can come in too. I know more visitors means more chance for germs to spread, but even if they just come in the room and don’t touch the boys, it’s better than not having anyone around to see them. I know people are anxious, so we’ve tried taking pictures and sharing when we can. We also want to ensure they are safe, so we don’t post everything. (I’m sure someone out there is shocked that I’d hold anything back!)

I think that’s about it for now… my 11:00 pumping fest is set to begin now. I am sure I’m leaving out plenty of things from today, but I need some good sleep tonight. I look forward to being released tomorrow, but I’m also sad I won’t be as close to the boys. I’ll take whatever I can get, though, and I’m super happy I don’t have to recover from any kind of surgery right now. Counting all my blessings, for sure. *Like getting back my license to eat!!! It's been glorious!!!*

Oh, one more thing!! The Hetricks are heading here tomorrow afternoon, so I’m excited for them to be here soon! I know they are ready to see the boys. I am anxious for that, too. :-D Hopefully Snowmageddon 2013 will be good to them as they travel… Kansas got slammed with snow, and while it’s snowing here right now, I hope we don’t get as much as they said we might. But if we do, maybe I can go out and play with Keaton in it. :-D That would make it worthwhile! 

-Ash

Twins Arrive: The Birth Story

After what seems like forever, the twins have finally arrived. I figured I would regret not writing the details, and several people have asked, so here you go! I’m going to start at the beginning of the day because the last entry was a bit jumbled.

So the day started out just like any other day. Keaton went off to school, I took a nap, and then got up and showered to get ready for my OB appointment at 12:15. The NST was just as terrible as before. The boys wouldn’t cooperate, and I couldn’t keep them on the monitors at all. Finally Robin, my awesome nurse at the OB, came in and sat with me until we got readings that would satisfy Dr. Olsen. Once he cleared me (I think we’d been there for well over an hour, maybe an hour and a half) I got set up in a room to do the Beta Strep test. He did that, and then decided to check me for dilation, even though he wasn’t going to. He said, “Dilation is normal right now… we will only send you to the hospital if you are dilated to 6.” Checks me. Laughs. “You are dilated to a 6. Grab your bags and go to the hospital as soon as possible!” So Mom and I fly home, grab things from the house, and head to Edward. I called Casey, who was in a meeting, and ended up having to text him, “Going to the hospital, 6 cm dilated”… so we met him at the ER. I was admitted around 3, was dilated to 5-6, and started having contractions frequently right away. They got worse and worse as time went on. Mom picked up Keaton from school, and shortly after they got to the hospital, she, Keaton, and Casey went downstairs to get some dinner… I was jealous. I hadn’t eaten since 11:30 in the morning, right before I went to my OB appointment. They came back and hung out with me as my contractions got more intense. Mom decided to take Keaton home, and shortly afterward Dr. Josupait came in to check me- I was dilated to an 8. He broke Baby A’s bag of water, and said to go ahead and get the epidural then because we may not have much time left… it’s a good thing I did! It kicked in and I felt pretty good. Things continued to progress… by then it was almost 11 p.m. and Dr. Josupait came back again to check me- he said I was fully dilated and at 0 station- he could feel Baby A’s head. So everyone suited up, and I just laid there, comfortable and just observing the chaos. I didn’t really feel much, but a little pressure at that point… no pain. Then they wheeled me off to the operating room (just in case I needed an emergency c-section). I remember the huge circular lights and all the people running around me. There must have been 10 in there at a time. At least one nurse per kiddo, my anesthesiologist, my OB, a neonatologist named Dr. Colvert (that I really like a lot), and at least a few others assisting with the birth. Just as soon as they transferred me to the table (and someone helped me with my right leg which had gone totally numb), I put my feet in the stirrups and felt Baby A pretty low in my abdomen. Dr. Josupait told me not to push, and I said, “I’m not!” He said, “I know!!” and we laughed as Nikolaus Evan slid himself out enough that Dr. Josupait had to hold him in for a second… the boy was ready to come out! I didn’t push AT ALL. He came out crying and they took him to the first table to be dried off and examined. Casey went over to check things out. Next thing I know, Dr. J is reaching inside to get Rowan Elliott, who was breech. He tried turning him (again, thank God for the epidural!) and didn’t succeed, so he pulled him out breech. It took a little more suctioning for him, but shortly afterward we heard gargled crying. Rowan was 8 ounces smaller than Nik. He has had a bit more difficulty breathing so they’ve had to be more invasive with him, but today both boys went #2 and even ate a little bit, which is wonderful! I’m guardedly optimistic about their improvements because I hear that NICU babies can go back and forth pretty quickly and have lots of ups and downs while they are there. I know Nik had a decent amount of reflux yesterday, and Rowan has had his oxygen intake adjusted a few times, but when we peeked in earlier they were doing better. 

It looks like I may get released on Friday morning. It will be hard to leave them, but I know we’ll be back every day when we can. Only family is allowed to come in to see them, and only people over 16, so Mr. K has to wait it out. When he came to visit me this morning before school, the first thing he said was, “Where are my babies?” :-D So cute.

I got to hold Nik last night for about 10 minutes. He put his little hand on my face. Rowan was too distressed and grunting a lot, so they didn’t let us hold him yet... Maybe tomorrow. I hope the boys can be in the same room soon, if they can. I want to see them together! I have heard it actually can help one twin if the other is a bit stronger or doing significantly better, they feed off each other’s energy. They have a joined room, so we can basically know what’s going on with both of them at the same time. We’ve got some wonderful nurses working there as well. Angela was our nurse today, and she loved talking to Casey about all the things they were doing. She enjoyed his questions (as most doctors do). I find that I don’t understand much of anything they are saying, which is kind of a bummer, but when my brain’s not as mushy I will try to educate myself on it all. I kind of go into a fog whenever I’m in there because I’m not sure what to do… I don’t want to hurt them so I stand back more, but they are in isolettes right now so I can’t really do much anyway. I know it will get better, and I’ll take any amount of time with them I can. I’ve been pumping and getting ~5 ml of milk each time I do, so I’m getting a decent start for them when they can actually eat. I’m glad that my milk is starting to come in so I can keep up with pumping and bring them ‘gifts’ when I come visit the NICU.

I think that’s about it for now… I’m sure I’m leaving something out. I’m pretty tired, and looking forward to any amount of sleep I can get tonight. It’s been a busy day! People in and out of my room ALL DAY LONG, since 5:30 this morning. I am ready to rest!

More later. Check out my Flickr page for the twin’s album and pictures Casey took last night… they are great!!

Love,

Ash

Official Stats: Nikolaus (Nik) Evan: 3 lbs 12 oz, 17 inches long, born at 11:34 p.m.

Rowan Elliott: 3 lbs 4 oz, 16,5 inches long, born at 11:36.

And...I'm in labor!

What an afternoon! I'm in Labor and Delivery right now. I went in for the NST at 12:15 today, which was horrendous and took forever. I asked my OB if we needed to do the Beta Strep test today, and I'm glad I did. He did the test, and while he wasn't going to check me for dilation, he decided to anyway. He said, "Even if you are starting to dilate, we wouldn't send you to the hospital unless you are 6 cm dilated." [Checks me. Laughs.] "You are 6 cm dilated."

I call Casey, who was in a meeting...text him to call me. I tell him we are headed to the hospital! Mom and I scurry home to grab a few things, including my pre-packed hospital bag. Then we head to the ER.

So now I'm at 5-6 cm dilated, 80-90% effaced, and contractions every few minutes, but I haven't made significant changes so far...just contractions that have picked up in intensity. Dr. Josupait is on-call now, and he's who delivered Keaton, so I'm in good hands if this happens during his shift. Dr. Anderson is on call tomorrow, and I like her, too. I sort of hope they come while Josupait is here. I missed Dr. Vierling's shift- got to chat with him right before he left at 5.

My contractions are picking up quite a bit. Weird how I was home and didn't feel much before my OB appointment, then suddenly I'm in L&D with some pretty good contractions now. I wonder what is going to happen!! Today? Tomorrow? I want to get up and walk around! The pain I feel with these is similar to the ones when my water broke with Keaton, but they don't last as long. Maybe my pain tolerance has gone up...who knows! The Hetricks are flying here tomorrow to avoid the big snow storm headed their way. I'm not sure what Dad will do, but we hadn't called him yet because we didn't really have answered about what was going on at the time...in a way, we still don't...I just wait and see. The boys will certainly spend some time in the NICU so it's not like anyone can really see them, besides Casey and I.

I hope this happens fast and I'm not hanging out in the hospital for days! Only time will tell. And...another contraction. Eek! Man I'm hungry. My family is down in the cafeteria now, eating dinner. I haven't eaten since 11:30 a.m. and I'm starving! Oh well...maybe the next meal I eat will be a worry-free one without glucose tests. I'm so glad to be done with NSTs (as far as I know). Sorry I'm scatter brained. I was glad that I wrote from the hospital after I had Keaton because there was a lot I forgot. I'll try to update asap!

-Ash

Okay, I'm at least 8 cm dilated now, epidural in, contractions are steady and I can't feel them at all. Doc broke Baby A's water. Casey is taking a power nap. I'm relaxed but wound up enough not to be able to rest! This is happening!!

Could this be the week?

Quite a few people think I'm starting to drop...I think they may be right. The end is near! We go in for the weekly NST tomorrow...I'm getting a little anxious/nervous this time. Maybe because the consensus that I'm dropping means that this is going to happen so soon. We could be looking at days or hours, not weeks now. Holy crap. I think I'm ready, but I'll never really know...someday bed rest will only be a memory. 14 weeks now, and 35 weeks gestation. Life has certainly changed a lot.

Well, I should attempt sleep now...it hadn't happened much lately so I'm not so optimistic...but here goes nothing!

Ash

Kicks from the inside

Both boys are moving around so much tonight..I've got one kicking my ribcage and the other kicking my bladder! They are very active right now. I always get a little concerned they might break my water from all their squirming...I've heard of it happening to others! Man I hope not. Now I want to make it to Monday. But I guess I'm kind of ready either way...as ready as I can be.

Today we got a call from the family that took Riese on Sunday saying that he nipped at one of the kids over a toy, so it wasn't going to work out with them. He isn't normally like that at all, so I'm sad that it happened, but I had one guy on standby so I called him and he was so excited that he agreed to come tonight and get Riese. They hit it off right away. I think this one will pan out.

Anyway, that's about it for tonight. Almost time for Procardia and sleep. 34+ (almost) 5!

-Ashley

Valentine's Day gift

My unborn boys gave me a great gift today... they did everything they were supposed to during my appointment with MFM this morning, so no trip to Labor and Delivery, no talk of anything scary... in fact, there was more talk about setting a date for induction (probably between 37-38 weeks as long as the growth scan next week goes well) and the graduation up to modified bed rest. Which, in reality, is basically what I'm on anyway, but it's official since the doctor said it. Sooooo... we now continue to your regularly scheduled programming.

What does that mean? I get to go out to dinner with Casey tonight. I get to move more to get my muscles ready for the big day. Baby B is still breech, but there's a chance he could still flip, and it doesn't 100% guarantee a c-section since they could flip him after A comes out, if we do natural delivery. It also means that we will see the boys in the next three weeks. Holy crap. :) I think I'm ready, though.

I am so happy today. I really hope that everything continues to go well- it's been such a roller coaster so far, I am almost high from the appointment this morning. We beat the odds. There is still uncertainty ahead, but it looks like the boys should not need much NICU time as long as everything goes well during delivery. I'm still scared of the actual labor part and what all will happen with that, but I know it's coming soon. I've made it through other crazy things so far, I think we can handle it. How will this end??? I'm excited to find out. :)

Well, that's about all for now. I'm looking forward to some sushi this evening, and spending time with Casey. Keaton and Mom are going to make heart cupcakes and eat pizza. :)

More soon!

-Ash

Growing

This probably isn't worth an entry, but it keeps happening and I wanted to document it... people I know who haven't seen me for awhile keep saying, "Wow, you've gotten bigger!"

No offense, guys, but I'm growing babies... I have to get bigger!! Haha... in a way it's funny, and in a small way it's annoying. If I weren't getting bigger, something would be wrong! I know more people are just trying to be nice and say something at all, but that is one that I'm not sure if I really enjoy. What do you say to that? I don't know. Blame it on the hormones or something... I'm not trying to be hypersensitive. Just observing.

Tomorrow we go in to MFM for the normal scan. I don't really know what to expect from this one. I kind of want to talk to them about how much their opinion differs from my OB, and what I should do. I trust MFM more right now because they have been a lot more consistent than my OB. There are too many people and too many opinions. The OB I saw Monday said that MFM is being 'paranoid' and that we didn't need to be as overcautious or take all the tests that I've taken during the pregnancy. He said they are worrying too much, basically, and that the boys are doing fine and there's no sign that I should have to be induced between 36-37 weeks. He even said they 'don't have proof' that there is any problem with their placenta, and they may actually have two separate ones after all. I'm not sure how much of that I believe, because MFM have done an ultrasound every time I go in (almost every week since week 20), and my OB has only done two. How would he know? I've seen him twice during this pregnancy, I think... maybe just once. I hope he's on vacation when I deliver. Actually, I hope he takes a few of his fellow doctors in the practice with him as well. If they could take the next 3 weeks off, I would be happy. :) (Snarkiness is abundant during this pregnancy. Sorry, people.)

Sidenote- I find this pretty funny. Mom just got me the BIGGEST box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. I told her she was evil. I have a very very low amount of will power when it comes to chocolates, especially anything with caramel in it. Gestational diabetes... look out! My numbers have been really good, so I will splurge a bit. (All I want is sugar right now... all the time... it's bad). I hope everything goes well after I have the boys and I'm able to eat without restrictions again. I will need lots more calories, so I look forward to being done with my blood sugar checks and having to wait to snack! I am hungry all the time. But I'm growing babies, and getting bigger!!! Like I'm supposed to, darn it!!

I hope you all read this and know that I'm laughing as I write it. It probably comes off as cocky, or unappreciative, or something... definitely not my intention, I just find so many things ironic or funny right now and feel the need to write it out. Bear with me, guys.

-Ash

Keaton Turns 3!!

Our little man is THREE today. I feel almost numb to it, because it is hard to believe that three years ago I pushed for THREE hours and finally met the little man that has completely changed our lives. Three is the magic number, I suppose?

Every year on Keaton's birthday, I read the entry about his birth. I think I still will today, but I have to say that it's surreal to read things like that and remember so many parts of it when I'm so close to doing it again. I hope the boys allow their older brother to have his own special day. :)

Today I got to go with Mom and Keaton to take him to school. He seemed really excited about it, and I was able to sing Happy Birthday to him with his classmates and teacher this morning. While his morning didn't start out so great (he's been a grump lately!) he did manage to smile for me for the picture, and seemed happier as the morning went on. I hope he had a good day at school. Tonight we will open some more gifts and eat a nice dinner together at home. Casey has gone all out for this birthday- decorating, surprising Keaton with the food he likes, calling him from work, etc. He's such a good Daddy. I'm really glad Keaton has a Dad that makes it so special, especially since I can't do much to help this year. Keaton's got a great role model to look up to.

Well, I guess that's about all for now! Ready for Keaton and Casey to get home so we can celebrate!

-Ash

High/low, goodbye.

In life, you take good with bad. Ups with downs. You ride the roller coaster, or you get the heck off. I'm happy to report that I'm still on it. It may have been the scariest I've ever been on so far, but I haven't chickened out or given up.

On this, the day before 34 weeks, I acknowledge and sort of celebrate both sides..the ups and the downs. I've had way more ups than downs today. I got a great night's sleep last night, which was a gift in itself. I got a free pass to go out for breakfast this morning, which was absolutely wonderful. Keaton was in a better mood today, overall. We had a great party for him this afternoon, and I'm happy for the turn out we had even though things were very last-minute. I was even able to splurge on a cupcake because my blood sugar was low all day. In all, the day was terrific.

The catch, of course, and the bittersweet ending to the day was that Riese left us to go live with his new family this evening. Timing sucks, and I wish it could have been different. I wish it could have happened a week or so ago. But he went to a great family, and I know it is what's best for him, and for us. He will be happy. Casey and I will eventually be happy, too. It's just sad and difficult to really come to terms with the fact that we had to do it this way. I feel guilty and sad that I'm the main reason for this having to happen, but for the safety of our two baby boys on the way, our wonderful almost 3 year old, and the limited time and space we would have for Riese, I know it was supposed to happen this way. All that really matters is that he will get the love and attention he deserves, and that we cannot adequately give him. I think that should prove how much we really loved him- we saw that we were not able to give him that, and made sure he would get it. If you love something, set it free, right? It hurts, but my heart is happy knowing he will be happy.

So, that's today. Lots of positives, one huge negative, and we're still on the ride. And tomorrow, we welcome the milestone no doctor thought we would make- 34 weeks. I don't need to say much more than that.

I'm thankful for this day. And I'm thankful for tomorrow. And all the days that have gone the way they have, no matter how difficult, only to get us here. We made it!

Ash

Saying Goodbye to Riese

Tomorrow is going to be one heck of a day, for many reasons. I'm going to *attempt* to go out to breakfast with everyone in the morning. I haven't been to a sit-down restaurant since November. In fact, I haven't been anywhere but a doctor's office since November, either! But the doctor said I could do it at 34 weeks, and tomorrow is pretty darn close. Funny conversation at the dinner table tonight:

Keaton: "Grandma and Grandpa and Daddy all have glasses!" This turned into many other observations of what everyone at the table had... eyes, elbows, and even skin. It was fun to hear him make all the connections. Then Casey said, "Daddy works, and Grandma and Grandpa used to work. And Keaton goes to school." And without missing a beat, Keaton said, "And Mommy goes to the doctor." Haha.... yes, yes I do. Again, that's about all I do these days!!

So other things are happening as well. Keaton's impromptu birthday party is tomorrow afternoon, and then Riese is going to his new home tomorrow night. It's going to be an emotional day, to say the least. Bobby, a vet tech at our vet, inquired about Riese and it panned out that he is a good fit for Bobby and his family. They have a 4 year old Boxer, a cat, and two children, and Riese met them all last week and got along with them wonderfully. We are really glad to know that not only will he go to a good home, but he'll also continue to see Dr. Tracy. Comfort during a very bittersweet time. We have been slowly working this whole situation into conversations with Keaton, so tonight when we sat him down and told him that Riese's last day with us would be tomorrow, I think he understood more than we thought he might. We told him Riese would go to a home that was bigger, and he would have a puppy friend to play with, and two kids that could play with him as well. When we asked him if he understood what was happening, he was able to explain that Riese was going to a home with more space. That is about as much as he really needs to know, and I'm glad he got even that bit out of it. I know tomorrow and especially Monday are going to be hard, but I'm glad it's happening before his birthday on Tuesday. Timing kind of sucks for all of it, but what can you do. So I think after we get past tomorrow night, saying goodbyes, and waking up without him Monday morning, the hardest part will be over. I so wish this didn't have to happen... but there really is no other way. It's safer for the twins and it's better for Riese. We will get another dog someday when the boys are all older and can play and take care of one as a team. Keaton did great with Riese, and I know he'll do great when the time comes again- probably a whole lot better. Just gotta get through the next 48 hours and I think we'll be in the clear. I have cried a lot in the past few days... I think tomorrow is going to be no exception.

So I THINK that is all that is going on tomorrow. Who the heck knows anymore. I hope Keaton's birthday party goes well and it keeps his mind off of everything. And ours too.

That's about it for now. More tomorrow!!

-Ashley

NSTs, Hospital Stays, and Breaking Points

So yesterday we were at MFM, slightly concerned about the condition of the placenta and if it's allowing enough nutrients for the boys. It would explain why they aren't growing at the rate they were before. But they could just be small. So there's that.

They watched the boys via ultrasound for 30 minutes, waiting for them to do the breathing reflex that most start around 32 weeks. They are only supposed to do it for about 30 seconds, but yesterday they didn't do it really at all, or only for a few seconds, so Dr. Moran thought it would be best to send me to Labor & Delivery for an NST and round of steroid shots. If they cooperated, I would be released. They got on the monitors, and actually did what they were supposed to. Besides the fact that I had to don the lovely hospital gown and get a very painful shot in my ass, they complied and I got to come home, with orders to come back today for another biophysical scan and then trip to L&D for the second and last steroid shot.

I got about 3 total hours of sleep last night. I just couldn't do it. So my demeanor today has been...grumpy. I should come with a warning label. Anyway, that felt worth saying. So Grandma stayed with Keaton at home and Dad took me to MFM. Casey met us there. The boys were being a bit more quiet than normal since after breakfast, but they were noticeably less active on the ultrasound. We buzzed them. I drank cold water. I ate cookies. I got up walked, emptied my bladder, and physically poked them, changed positions, etc...nothing worked. They were breathing fine (still not doing the breathing reflex yet, though) but not moving much. Dr. Taylor said that while it was really sort of non scientific to do the reflex test right now because they are still young for it, they still wanted to admit me and make sure things were okay, again, allowing me to leave if they passed the NST. The difference this time, though, was that he said if they continue to be more quiet the next few days (they are ornery and move all the time, remember?) then we were going to possibly induce as early as this weekend. (Say WHAT?) He said that it's safer for them to be out at that and they'll be able to be fed and grow without worries about their environment inside. He also said "we have won". He reassured us that we are in a very good place from this point forward, because they have less than a 1% chance of having problems, especially long-term. Reassuring and terrifying. I could have these babies any time, and while we knew that, it's for real now. I was in a real delivery room today. Sorry, but holy shit. This it's real, and it's going to happen, and SOON. SO...there's that.

In other news, Keaton has been 110% screaming, argumentative, tantrum-throwing two year old this week. Yelling, throwing things, hitting, kicking,saying the opposite of anything he's told, running away from us, you name it. I hope this is his last hurrah before his birthday Tuesday. I hope age three for him is as great as my parents say it was for me. There is probably just too much change for him and it's all catching up.

But it's about to get worse. We found a family that wants to take Riese...possibly this weekend. We thought that might happen, but we thought family would be here and there would be nice distraction for Keaton, but poor Nana De got sick and Mitch had to work, so the Hetrick family isn't able to come up this weekend for a family birthday party. We are doing an impromptu party Sunday afternoon with a few friends that could make it at the last minute. I am thankful Keaton is young enough that most of this will go on and he won't know the difference. But I can't help but feel badly for him, and between all of it I'm not sure how much he can understand or handle right now. Throw on top of that the fact that I just want the boys to be active and stay in until next week, but at any time something could happen. Not sure how much of this I can handle ...something has to give, right?

Argh. I'm sad that there are so many questions and not many answers. Makes planning difficult. Makes everything kind of crazy and chaotic and nerve-wracking. I'm afraid to make plans at this point, for anything. BUT...we have to be near the end of something. It will not always go this way. It will be a new type of chaos soon. And that's what I want... I want them to be out, healthy, and be able to see them instead of waiting to feel them and wonder if is enough. I want to be able to move again. I want some normalcy for my family. All of them. I'm not totally giving up here, but I'm ready for change!!! Argh!!!

Is anyone still reading this?

Time for me to stop. Hopefully time for sleep. Now I can say 33+5.
Better luck tomorrow!!

Ash

5 Amusing (to me) thoughts about bed rest

1. Is it really considered 'bed rest' if you get up every hour to pee?

2. Steroid shots are a literal pain in the ass.

3. I only have stretch marks on the left side of my stomach...??

4. TMI ALERT: Progesterone suppositories should not be yellow. That's all you really need to know.

5. Irony: Being on bed rest for X number of weeks, then having to be induced. I will laugh and cry at the same time if this happens to me. (Or "craff", as Casey calls it.)

Made it to week 33... I'll have to update later about my ooh so lovely and unexpected hospital visit Thursday. Will we make it to week 34? Cliffhanger....

-Ash

33 week OB Recap

Ugh I can't sleep. It's normal, but it's really bugging me tonight. I long to be like Casey and pass out as soon as my head hit the pillow. He's snoring within seconds, literally. I haven't felt very well today (nasal congestion and headache) which has made me more sensitive, reactive, and emotional (hormonal?). I came to bed early and was just relaxing and trying to get ready for sleep. He went out with a few guys from work tonight, and came home and fell asleep before I did. I am jealous. But the twins have been dancing around a lot this evening so it's impossible to sleep when that happens. Oh well, it is what it is.

So to catch up on the OB appointment yesterday... The boys were being so ornery that I had to have an ultrasound to make sure everything was going fine. It was. They passed two of the three tests they do via ultrasound, so when they didn't do 30 seconds worth of breathing reflex (they are still young to expect this) the doctors decided to go ahead and do the NST anyway. Baby A did his time on the monitor just fine, but he kicked Baby B so much (who is breech now) that we had to stay longer and have him on the monitor by himself to ensure he was fine. He was, he just got kicked off of it all the time by his brother. I think we all know who the bully will be!

I think that's about it. Time for me to attempt sleep again! If I still feel the way I do now when I wake up tomorrow, I'm heading back to my general practitioner to see what she can do to help. I've gotta get better before Keaton's birthday celebration this weekend!!

-Ash

Catching Up

There's a lot going on around here- Riese, Keaton, baby shower, snow, etc.

Before I get into other things, Riese is making me paranoid. He has been following me around everywhere today. Some people say dogs- and some animals in general- sense when something is happening. I sincerely hope that's not why he's become my shadow this morning!! Yikes.

IN other news, Keaton had a rough morning. He woke up fine, and we watched a few episodes of George before getting up and doing our normal routine. He was really whiny with me, and wanted me to dress him. I obviously can't help very much with that, but he threw a fit about it. Then Mom came in and he kept getting worse and worse- crying all the time, arguing and saying the opposite of anything we would say... it was tough. He didn't want to eat his waffle because the honey wasn't in the right place. He kept stabbing the table with his fork and scraping it everywhere. It took me three or more times of asking him to do something before he'd even acknowledge I was talking to him. And he cried for the biggest part of the morning. He doesn't have a fever or anything, so I'm not really sure what his deal was. He wouldn't let Mom dress him so I finally intervened and went into his room to help. I heard him have another meltdown when they were trying to get into the van, because he wanted to do it HIS way. Is this what 3 is going to look like? He's been very argumentative and combative lately. People often say that 3 is worse than 2, but I'm hoping that he will be one that improves with age... or this is going to be a long year!!

Kelley, Tracy, and some other girls planned a really nice baby shower for us last weekend. We got a lot of adorable clothes for the boys, and a great start on diapers and wipes! We are thinking about doing cloth diapering (Chelsea, send your wisdom, please!!) so we are going to start getting more information about that.

It's snowed more in the last week than it has all winter. It's cold and white outside!! I'm glad to be indoors to avoid most of it.

I'll update on my OB appointment yesterday when I have more time. Right now a friend is stopping by to visit. :)

-Ash

Up and At 'Em

Yeah, I kind of forgot to post about a pretty important milestone yesterday... Sorry for the previous rant. This entry will be more positive: I have permission to move around more often! Sit up more, walk a bit more, etc.. I'm definitely not off bed rest by any means, but I got the impression that my doctors think we will probably go into labor sooner than later (although, maybe TMI, but they haven't checked out how things are looking down below since week 28 and probably don't want to start anything) so it appears as though they are trying to get my muscles a little more ready for labor. Last night I got to sit at the table for dinner! It hurt, and I only lasted ten minutes, but I haven't gotten to sit up to eat in twelve weeks. It makes digestion So Much Easier. Haha...

My favorite part was when Keaton looked at me and said, "You don't have to lay over there anymore? You can sit at the table now, Mommy?" And preceded to get a huge grin on his face! He was also standing on the step ladder (or 'stool ladder', as he likes to call it) helping make dinner in the kitchen, and I walked in and he grabbed me and hugged me for a good minute. He's so accustomed to me laying down that whenever he sees me stand, he almost always runs up and hugs me, and usually kisses my belly. Such a sweet boy! He's mastering the art of flattery, as well. One night this week he was being rather ornery and not listening very well. He accompanied me to the bathroom (we tend to go together, for some reason) and while we are sitting there I start taking to him about being a better listener, etc. He just looks at me with those pretty hazel eyes and says, "Mommy, you're pretty. You're pretty, and you're gorgeous. I love you so much." Um...what was I taking about? Keaton being in trouble? I momentarily forgot because my heart was melting, no big deal. He completed the statement with what is quickly becoming his signature eyelash batting.. which gets him pretty much anything he wants. Some girl somewhere in the world it's going to fall under that spell someday. Lord help her.

I guess that's all. Keith is flying Mom up today, and then we have a ton planned tomorrow: Dog meet and greet in the morning, men of the house working on the basement, baby shower in the afternoon. The twins need to wait longer because they weren't invited to this party. And Keaton's party is next weekend so we can't have them come out then. Keaton's THIRD BIRTHDAY is the following Tuesday, and they're not allowed to come out then, either. After that, though, I think it's okay.  :-) We would have made our 34 week goal by then.

I should go. Time to test the blood sugar and get a snack.

Ash