High/low, goodbye.

In life, you take good with bad. Ups with downs. You ride the roller coaster, or you get the heck off. I'm happy to report that I'm still on it. It may have been the scariest I've ever been on so far, but I haven't chickened out or given up.

On this, the day before 34 weeks, I acknowledge and sort of celebrate both sides..the ups and the downs. I've had way more ups than downs today. I got a great night's sleep last night, which was a gift in itself. I got a free pass to go out for breakfast this morning, which was absolutely wonderful. Keaton was in a better mood today, overall. We had a great party for him this afternoon, and I'm happy for the turn out we had even though things were very last-minute. I was even able to splurge on a cupcake because my blood sugar was low all day. In all, the day was terrific.

The catch, of course, and the bittersweet ending to the day was that Riese left us to go live with his new family this evening. Timing sucks, and I wish it could have been different. I wish it could have happened a week or so ago. But he went to a great family, and I know it is what's best for him, and for us. He will be happy. Casey and I will eventually be happy, too. It's just sad and difficult to really come to terms with the fact that we had to do it this way. I feel guilty and sad that I'm the main reason for this having to happen, but for the safety of our two baby boys on the way, our wonderful almost 3 year old, and the limited time and space we would have for Riese, I know it was supposed to happen this way. All that really matters is that he will get the love and attention he deserves, and that we cannot adequately give him. I think that should prove how much we really loved him- we saw that we were not able to give him that, and made sure he would get it. If you love something, set it free, right? It hurts, but my heart is happy knowing he will be happy.

So, that's today. Lots of positives, one huge negative, and we're still on the ride. And tomorrow, we welcome the milestone no doctor thought we would make- 34 weeks. I don't need to say much more than that.

I'm thankful for this day. And I'm thankful for tomorrow. And all the days that have gone the way they have, no matter how difficult, only to get us here. We made it!

Ash