Update on the Tiny Twins

The boys are doing so well! NICU life is so strange, and it's a weird sort of normal to try to adjust to... alarms going off, not being able to hold the babies, new nurses and new milestones every day. But the last two days have been very good for them. Nik is proving to be the eater of the two, which does not shock anyone as he was 8 ounces bigger than little Rowan from the get-go. Nik is now up to 13 ml of breastmilk every 3 hours now. I think he was at 7 yesterday, so that's quite a nice jump. Rowan is up to 11 ml and despite a tiny bit of spit up this morning, he's been maintaining it well. Rowan needs to gain some weight, though! He gained 10 ounces yesterday and then lost 5 overnight. But every time he cries or gets upset at all, he burns calories, and he tends to be the fussier of the two, so I guess it's not surprising. He qualifies for Early Intervention because he has been at or below 3 pounds for awhile now. I don't know what all that entails, but hopefully he will pass his eye tests that are coming up in the next few weeks, among other tests he will have to go through. He has also jumped up the amount he is eating, though. I am proud of all that the boys have accomplished in the last 36 hours. They both got off phototherapy (treatment for jaundice) but will probably go back on it soon, which is understandable. Even 7 pound Keaton was a bit jaundice at first, so no shock, really. They are eating better, and Nik is now on room air. Rowan still has 2 liters of forced flow air, up from one liter overnight. He was breathing a little faster than they wanted him to so our awesome nurse Angela put him back at 2. They will see how he does with that today, but overall he's really starting to stabilize and there is talk about them taking his nasal cannula out today (so we can see that little handsome face more clearly!).

Now for the boobie part of the blog- skip ahead to the ***** if you don't want to hear about milk production, etc.

I am now going to take a moment to brag on breastfeeding/pumping. I am proud of my 'ladies'. They are producing milk better than I ever could have hoped. Guess what? Size really doesn't matter here, people. I am keeping a log of every time I pump and am stocking up the NICU fridge enough that they had to start freezing some of the milk because there wasn't much room left. Woot! (This is like a dorm-sized refrigerator... I'm not talking gallons of milk or anything.) Keaton has of course become interested in the hospital breast pump and what I'm doing, so I try to be discrete and just tell him that I'm making milk for the babies. I was stocking up the insulated bag to take to the hospital the other morning and Keaton came in and asked what everything was. I told him it was milk, and he peeked in the bag and said, "There's three gallons!" LOL... there wasn't... but who knows what my numbers will be when the boys are home and drinking more. I feel like a cow, and I've never been as happy to exclaim it. I feel like this is the one thing I can really do to help my boys, so I will celebrate every milliliter that I can produce! Here's why I'm excited:

2/20 (Day after boys were born): 31 ml
2/21: 68 ml
2/22: 158 ml
2/23: 259 ml
2/24: After just 4 pumping sessions today, I have 189 ml. I am super excited that the ladies are producing!!

I just wrote a ton and for some reason it got erased... so frustrating! Anyway, I was doing Kangaroo Care with Nik the other night, and my body sensed that he was there and I started leaking a bit. (That feels like TMI, but you are in the boobie part of the blog, so don't say I didn't warn ya!) Nik freaked out because he must have smelled the milk, so he moved his tiny head over to my breast and tried latching!! I was shocked!! I called the nurse in and she said that he could nuzzle it but could not start eating because he's not ready for the flow yet and could choke. He is making great strides, though. He took part of his milk this morning through a bottle for Angela, but he got too excited and tried taking in too much and his heart rate became too fast. They are going to keep trying with him, though. I think he's going to be a breastfeeding success sooner than later, though. I certainly hope so!! Now we just need his brother to keep eating and start gaining.

*****
 I got to hold Rowan for the first time yesterday. Nik got to put on a t-shirt yesterday (or maybe the day before) so that was the first time he wore clothes. Nik is very alert and was looking all around when Casey held him yesterday. We made a little video for Keaton to introduce him to Nik, and Keaton loved it. He made me play it twice. I think we will try to do it with Rowan next time we have him out. Rowan is much more fragile and will open his eyes every now and then, but usually just peeks out and closes them quickly. He likes to squeak and definitely lets you know when he's upset! He's the 'loud' one. I cannot get over how much hair these boys have!!! Tons of blond/strawberry blond hair. I don't know how much they would have had if they had gone full-term! I almost feel like they'll need a trim when they come home! But I won't do it. Right now they remind me of Woodstock from Charlie Brown... cute, spiky, unruly 'yellow' hair. It's adorable. They look like little soccer hooligans. :)

We are heading back to the hospital later today before dinner to see them again. Hopefully we'll get more good news. They are going potty just fine and wear the tiniest diapers I have ever seen. We went to Babies R Us (the first place I shopped after getting off bed rest/giving birth) and of course, my darn hormones kicked in in full effect yesterday, so I saw preemie clothes and started bawling in the middle of the store! So embarrassing. I knew it would happen eventually, though. I'm pretty sure it's only going to get worse, but I least I knew what to expect this time around, and I don't feel like I'm losing my mind. Anything will set me off... I'm not sad (other than wishing the boys could be home) but I'm super sensitive to feelings. If I see someone else sad, I cry. If someone said something nice to me, I cry. It comes on suddenly and has left just as suddenly, too... but it's still frustrating. I'm going to make an appointment to see my counselor next week if I can, so I can talk things out and clear my head. I am a little nervous because I know the NICU can be a roller coaster in itself, and we've had two and a half good days, so the realist/pessimist in me figures we will have a setback of some kind soon. I hate that my brain works that way, but I am just thankful for all the milestones the boys have met over the past few days. They are certainly fighters, there's no doubt!!

So life has done a 180 in less than a week, and so far I feel very good about it. There was most likely a problem with the placenta that the boys shared, so I think they are much better out than in. I worry about Rowan, and hope that he overcomes the obstacles ahead of him... but if he's like his Daddy (and I'm learning that I'm stronger than I thought I was, too)... he's going to overcome this. And so are we. Pregnancy had ups and downs... and someday the NICU stint will be a memory just as bed rest is now. I celebrate all the little things I can do now: Shop, eat while sitting up, move, dance, put on my own socks, see my feet again, play with Keaton, eat whatever I want (!!!!!), wear clothes I couldn't wear in months... it's ALL GOOD. I am thankful that I had all the bed rest I did. But I'm thankful that it's over. And I'm thankful for all the crazy times ahead with the boys... I think this experience will put everything in perspective for me now. Hell, I'm thankful for the 2-2.5 hours of sleep I get now between pumping sessions- I was only getting 45-60 minutes of sleep while pregnant because I had to pee all the time! Bladder is back to normal. I'm thankful for that, too.

Daddy and Rowan

I am so very thankful, though, that Casey is the Daddy to my boys. They are lucky to have such a strong, intelligent, caring man to be their role model. He has still managed to balance work, NICU life, Keaton, home life, and make everything run as smoothly as possible. He is amazing... nothing short of it. I am proud to call him my husband and partner in this... because it's not easy, but he makes me stronger. I feel lucky for the handsome men in my life. :-D

That is plenty for now. I'm sure I forgot things and left tons of details out... hopefully they'll come back to me later. I've posted a few more pictures on Flickr of the littlest Hetricks. :)

Next time I write I will try to update on the visit from the Hetricks, and Keaton's second 3rd birthday celebration yesterday. He was a very happy camper. :)

-Ash