I Think I Can

Is it sad that I always have to go back and reread the last post to see what's happened since then? And then I normally completely space out on what's been going on here? Yeah, I think it's sad. My brain is full of holes. But for the most part, it's been a pretty successful week.

My most successful day, and probably my reason for being in any way confident as a parent of three small boys, was Wednesday. Granted, Casey took care of all things Keaton, but as far as the little dudes go, I'm pretty proud of myself. We had an appointment with Lactation at 10:30, so I somehow got everyone dressed and ready to go, packed into the rental van (which I had never driven before and was nervous about), made it to the appointment ON TIME, and had a successful tandem nursing experience with the boys. (Actually, I always tandem nurse them now. I am still not really sure how we manage to do it, but the boys are so small that I can wrangle them with one arm each and get them to latch, etc. now on my own... the double burping is always interesting, especially with two little men who flip around a lot... it's going to get a lot more difficult as they get bigger!). After the appointment, we stopped by the NICU and I donated most of the boys' preemie clothes to them. I remember that being one of my favorite milestones when the boys were there- coming in one day and seeing them dressed in little pajamas and onesies... it made them seem like the little babies I had longed for and not these tiny, skinny little people hooked up to tons of monitors. I wanted to give that to someone else. It was also nice to see nurses and staff I hadn't seen in a few weeks. The smell of the NICU brought back quite a few memories, which wasn't so easy, but probably easier than many have had it there. I am happy to have given back to a place that gave us so much; two amazing little people. I will always be grateful to them, and plan to go back and visit whenever we are at the hospital.

After that, I was pretty tired, so I decided to eat at the hospital cafeteria. Dr. Covert, our favorite neonatalogist, came out and saw the boys. He was very pleased with how they've done since they left. It was great to see him! I also ran into the chaplain from the NICU, one of my MFM doctors, and a bunch of random people who were apparently baffled that I gave birth to twins. I feel like a parade whenever I go anywhere with them. I love overhearing people in shock that they are my babies... I just laugh. At the cafeteria, one woman asked me where they came from. I told her "outer space". I wouldn't dare say, "My hostile uterus" but I really wanted to! Funny comments aplenty. I always hear the same things... "You've got your hands full!" "You're so tiny, how did you have twins??".... I wish I knew a good comeback for things like that. I DO have my hands full. I am also the size of a FOURTH GRADER and believe me when I tell you, that's not bragging! Everyone is different. I pretty much think that having twins was a miracle for anyone, but maybe even moreso for me. They are a miracle. I'm a lucky Mommy. And we'll leave it at that for now.

After lunch on Wednesday, I got the boys packed up, we came home and rested for a bit, and then I packed them up in the van again to go to my OB appointment. That was quick, and as painless as it can be, but it was fun to see the people at the OB that I hadn't seen since I was sent to the hospital in labor. I also ran into Dr. Josupait, who delivered all of my boys. He said they looked great, and seemed genuinely happy to see us all. It was a confidence boosting day.

Some people tell me I'm "Super Mom". I appreciate that a LOT. But I'm just going day by day, making things work as best as I can. I fail. A lot. I get flustered and I yell when I shouldn't, and I lose my cool sometimes. I am enjoying it all, but I'm also tired as hell. It is not easy, and I'm never trying to brag when I say I did something... in fact, I'm kind of in awe that we made it out alive! Maybe I'll always be in awe of this. I want to humbly say that I am a mother of three small boys... and it's exhausting. But it's also... AWESOME. And I'm going to love it even more when they all get past age 3 in one piece. ;)

More soon....

-Ash