Note to self...

Do not open the SunChips compostable bag while child is asleep.

In other news, my kid has been squealing like a teapot the last 2 days. I am not really enjoying this phase of 'finding his voice' and I can't always tell if he's upset or if he's just doing it because he can. I find that just when I start to figure him out, he changes something up on me and I'm left guessing again. But with each new step I also think, at least it's just a phase!

We had a nice evening with Casey last night. He got home early and we grilled in the backyard and enjoyed our new patio set. Keaton and I sat out in the freshly mowed grass (thanks to Dr. Hetrick) and he sat up well and played with his toys. He seemed to enjoy watching Casey grill dinner- his facial expressions were hilarious!

He recently figured out that pears have a really good flavor, but the texture is not his cup of tea. I wish I could have gotten a picture of the faces he made when he tried it the first time... too funny. Here's a pic or two of him enjoying the cold pears in his mesh teether... he loves that thing!

In addition to self-feeding, he also used his sippy cup today for the first time by himself. I didn't get a pic of it, but I got it on video for Casey. Casey's normally really good at doing things like that, and I'm slacking. We should have some fun video to show him someday, especially the ones with he and Charley Brown together. We have hours of video to upload to the computer eventually... hopefully before he starts school. ;)

Another 'milestone' I forgot to mention is that he finally figured out that he doesn't have to use his face to make the Exersaucer play music anymore... he thought that he had to use his cheek or his chin to make it work at first. Then he accidentally bumped the button with his elbow and looked at me like, "Aha!"... it is so funny and cute to see him figure things out.

I think that's about all for the random Keaton milestones this week. Here's another picture for good measure.

-Ash

Stuck on Chuck

I feel sort of stuck the past few days. Almost like I've run out of steam and while the rest of the world keeps moving around me, I'm at a standstill. Keaton is getting more active every day, and I feel like the more energy he gets, the less I have. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how I'm going to get through the next phase of his life- when he starts getting mobile. We are right on the edge of it. He's rolling so much now that almost as soon as I lay him down on his back, he's flipped to his tummy. Now he's waving his arms and legs so much while on the floor that I'm sure he's just going to take off at any minute... luckily that part takes time, but I know he'll soon figure out that all he needs to do is dig in his knees and he'll be on his way. It's sad that you just get used to one thing with a child and they change everything up on you... but I know the next phase is going to be just as fun, if not more, than the first 6 months have been.

I really wish Charley was around for this part. He would have loved the mess I made in the kitchen yesterday while preparing bananas and pears for Keaton, and surely would have licked the floor clean for me. I can't believe it's been two months without him. I can't help but feel sad on the 24th of every month now, just thinking about life without him. It's weird, and I still look for him and expect to see his fuzzy face all the time. I try not to be sad, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I haven't cried in a long time, but seeing Charley's People at PetsMart on Saturday as well as the pretty Boxer just made things a little more real. I look forward to telling Keaton stories about Charley and showing him pictures and video when he's older, and eventually getting Keaton his own puppy... which will be a long time from now. No one can replace Chuck, though.

Well, that's enough of that. Mr. K is awake from his normal 30 minute nap, so it's time for him to eat some cereal and for us to get out of this house and enjoy the nice weather. I'll try for a less emo entry next time. :)

-Ash

Slow Motion

Another Sunday... another day spent at the office, trying to cram enough in my minutes to avoid looking at the clock, and realizing that time goes slower here. Or at least it feels like it does.

It was harder to leave this morning than normal. Maybe that's because my kid is totally in sponge-mode now and is so much fun to be around (minus the teething) that I dread leaving him for a measly 7 hour shift. He and Casey brought me lunch, as they always do. I still feel like I am missing part of myself when Keaton's not with me. You'd think after 6 months I would get over that, but if anything I think it's gotten worse. I had fun hanging out with my boys yesterday and didn't want the weekend to end.

We went to PetsMart yesterday morning for the first time since Charley passed (I guess technically we went in the weekend after he passed to give the vet and the PetsHotel flowers), but yesterday was the first trip to say Hi since then. It was kind of tough. We saw a beautiful Brindle Boxer right before we left. I felt a lump in my throat, but swallowed it and was able to get out of the place without crying. I still think about the guy daily- usually multiple times a day, but at least now it's more for good memories instead of feeling sad that he's gone. I feel that, too... just not quite as much as I used to. Keaton has kept my mind off of it pretty well with all of the new things he's learning lately. He had a fun time walking around PetsMart with us and looking at all the animals. I think he liked the fish the best, actually... he couldn't figure out why he couldn't touch them through the glass. Too cute.

We hung out with our neighbors most of the afternoon yesterday. Our neighbors to the north are moving to Florida by the end of the month, so our neighbors to the south had a going away party for them. It was good to get out, enjoy the weather, and give Keaton some time to socialize with the older kids on our street. He loved watching the older boys play baseball and hockey, and ride their bikes. He especially liked when the girls would come up and give him attention- again, he is SUCH a flirt! We enjoyed spending time with the Northern Neighbors before they leave... I hope the people moving in are even half as nice as they were.

I guess that's about all from my end. I'm planning to go home and give Casey a reprieve because Keaton decided to be pretty fussy most of the day and not nap for him (except in the car), so he hasn't been able to get any work done. Only an hour and 15 minutes until I can get in the car and go be with my boys. (Sigh).

-Ash

Keep Rollin'

We had a nice super quick visit with the Hetrick family (which I guess I updated a bit in the previous post). The trip to downtown was fun, although parts of it were not Keaton's cup of tea. Especially when the Science Storms exhibit had a lightning demonstration... the kid totally lost it. I would have, too, though! It was pretty loud and scary, and definitely wouldn't help a kid out if they were already scared of storms. Hopefully it didn't traumatize him or anything. He did not want to nap at all because there was so much to see, so he passed out on the way home. To my surprise, he slept very well on Friday and Saturday night. Sunday we went to downtown Naperville and walked around. The weather was beautiful, and besides frying the heck out of my neck at lunch (I chose the wrong seat, for sure), we had a very nice visit. The sunburn's already going away. That's the most sun I've gotten all summer!

It was a busy weekend, and I'm finally getting back in the swing of things today. I normally take Mondays "off" (meaning I try to sleep in and normally don't get much accomplished... sometimes I don't even get dressed). Yesterday I wanted to help Casey get ready for his quick business trip to Louisiana, but Keat decided to cluster feed (again, it's gotta be a growth spurt) so I was running around like a chicken by the time Casey came home around noon. Then Mr. K decided to give Casey a present, and the present went up his back and got into his hair. I will not say how. But Case gave him an impromptu bath while I got some of his clothes out of the dryer. By the time he threw his stuff in a bag and shaved, the car was already here to take him to the airport. He'll be back late tonight. So glad it wasn't a longer trip!

In other news, now that Keaton's found out he can roll, that's all he wants to do. It does seem to make tummy time a little more tolerable, but it would be nice if he could learn to roll from his tummy to his back because he tends to get ticked if he's on it too long. He's getting so much stronger these days. Yesterday the weather was so nice, we went outside for about 2 hours and he sat up almost half of the time, mostly unassisted. He rolled on his side at one point and scared himself, but he stopped crying quickly and was a pretty happy dude afterward. It was nice to visit with the neighbors and enjoy the cooler weather.

We're watching some construction workers repave the streets in our subdivision... they are super loud and kind of annoying when the kid is trying to nap. Oh well, not like he naps for very long as it is. It will be nice to have streets without potholes and bumps. Other than that, just taking it easy and anxiously awaiting Casey's arrival tonight.

-Ash

My growing boy

Keaton's 6 month check up went well yesterday. He is 17 lbs 9 oz, 26 inches long, and is right where he should be on motor skills and everything. He only grew about half an inch (although I think he's on a growth spurt right now)... it was a decent change from last time because he apparently grew 4 inches the previous visit! He did fine with his shots and only cried for a minute or two- when we left the exam room to go home, he realized he was in a different place and then noticed some girls playing in the waiting room so he was instantly distracted. I'm sure he wanted to make a good impression... he's such a little flirt!

The Hetrick family arrived in the afternoon (with Leslie's b/f Mitch) and we headed to IKEA last night. We got in the elevator with a cute Middle Eastern couple and their baby boy. I asked how old he was, and found out our boys were born on the same day! Later on we ran into them again, and Keaton and little Sid ended up seeing each other and having an adorable, smiley interaction. Keaton was so cute and seemed to talk to Sid and grinned from ear to ear at him.... so sad I didn't have my camera! Nothing cuter than two cute babies smiling at each other.

We're headed downtown today to the Museum of Science and Industry. It'll be Keaton's first museum so we'll see what he thinks... I have a feeling it'll be right up his alley. :)

-Ash

Motherhood at 6 months

Six months ago today, I became a Mother. I am truly amazed at how much life has changed, and how much better it is with Keaton around. Yes, we don't go out as much. Yes, we don't get as much sleep. But even the sleepless nights are totally worth it because he is such a blessing to us.

I have learned so much in six months, yet sometimes I still feel like it's my first day. The boy is growing and changing right before my eyes. Every day I think, how could I possibly love him more? But I always do. Sometimes I kiss his cheeks and get this overwhelming sense of pride. I made this kid! That is so cool! By far the best project I have ever been a part of... he is one amazing little man.

I can't imagine life without him now, and barely remember what it was like before he came along. Heck, I barely remember how tiny he was 6 months ago! I am glad we have video of it because I wouldn't believe it just looking at pictures. Now he's got this little personality that gets clearer every day. He loves to laugh and be tickled. He hates taking naps. He is (still) addicted to his binky. He smiles almost every time he sees a giraffe. He thinks Daddy is about the coolest thing around. He could play peek-a-boo for hours. Standing on two feet almost always brings a smile to his face. He can recognize family members on Skype! He smiles when he looks in the mirror at himself... and I can't blame him. I smile every time I look at him, too... even when he's upset, or smacking me in the face, pulling my hair, nose, or lips... it's so fun to see him explore and learn.

I can go back and read my blog entry from 2/11/2010 when I thought the kid was never coming out, and sometimes I wish I could talk to myself and try to prepare the pre-motherhood Ashley for the road ahead. I think I would tell her that things are going to be tough at first, but the rewards are so great and so worth it- just get through those first few weeks and things will get better all the time. We had trouble with nursing, then reflux, and a few other things in between, but we have come a long, long way. Now I have this beautiful, smart, exuberant baby boy who is half a year old. I am so thankful to be his Mommy... he has made my life better than I ever thought it could be.

I know the next six months hold a lot for us, too. I look forward to reading this blog entry in six months and saying, "Wow, I had no idea what I was in for!" and I know I will still be just a proud, just as busy, and probably about as sleep deprived. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

-Ashley

My Left Foot

Thinking I would be a considerate wife, I warned Casey not to trip over Keaton's bouncy seat last night because he turned all the lights off on our way to bed. It was against the wall, but I wanted him to be safe. Somehow, during one of the many times I was up with Keaton in the middle of the night, I managed to trip over the thing (while the light was on) and broke my toe. Okay, I'm no doctor, but judging by how swollen it is and the colors it's turning, I'd bet money that it's broken. Looks like ice and pain meds are in order.

About 2 weeks ago I bruised my big toe on the same foot. Still no clue how I did that, but it turned pretty colors, too.

This does not help my cause as far as cleaning the house goes... I got less sleep last night than the night before, and now I have pain to go with it! We skipped class this morning and took a little nap, which helped a bit. Keaton seems to think he's hungry every 2 hours or less right now, too. I'll just do whatever I can and hope the house looks decent for company on Friday.

Those are my complaints for the day. :-P Thanks for bearing with me!

-Ash

No Title Tuesday

On Saturday when our neighbors babysat Keaton, he ended up taking a long nap for them (almost an hour and a half!), which is both great (for them) and frustrating (for us) because we normally only get about 30-45 minutes at best when he naps at home. Soooo... I tried doing what Jen did, and put Keaton in his car seat. I didn't strap him in or anything, just put a blanket down to pad the buckles, then a soft blanket over top of that and laid him on it. I sat in his room and put his laundry away, and before I knew it, he was passed out. I'm not sure how long this will last, and of course I should be doing something useful with my time right now since he's asleep... but instead I thought I would blog.

I am again trying to find motivation to clean the house because Casey's family is coming this weekend. They aren't staying with us, but we'll probably hang out here a bit in the evenings. I have a feeling this weekend is going to go pretty fast- it always does. I'm excited to have family around again, though. My parents are coming up at the beginning of September and I'm already getting excited about that, too. I'm trying not to wish time away right now, but there are so many fun things coming up that I keep thinking they will never get here. Sort of like Keaton with new milestones- I still wonder when he'll start rolling over on a regular basis and sitting up all by himself, but I don't want to rush it. Everything will happen when it's supposed to.

Found myself missing Charley Brown a lot this week. I think the rainy weather is affecting my mood. I found his leash and collar when I was cleaning out the car on Saturday. There were two random pieces of dog food on the floor of the mud room that got pushed aside and some ants found them, so while I was spraying pesticide I was thinking about Chuck and how he probably wouldn't have left those pieces there if he were around... I also wondered how over a month has gone by and we hadn't found those on the floor before. Oh well... I'm sure we'll still find things around here months from now. Hopefully all the food will be gone, though- otherwise Keaton might find it first! Yikes.

Keaton's awake now... dang... only got about 30 minutes. Jen must be a miracle worker! I need lessons.

-Ash

Blah-ogging

Casey and I finally got to go on a 'date' yesterday... our neighbors babysat Keaton and we got to go see Inception. WHOA. Crazy movie. Very good, but I doubt I could give you a synopsis if you paid me. Although if you were going to pay me, I would certainly try. ;)

While it was nice to go out with my husband, I feel like I sabotage every outing we have together. I get myself worked up beforehand and worry about getting all the things done that I need to do in order to leave Keaton with someone else. On our anniversary, I managed to worry and distract myself pretty much the entire time, and could not talk about much other than Keaton. I guess Casey dodged that bullet yesterday since I didn't talk during the movie, but I'm not sure I could have done much better if I were able to talk. The point of having someone babysit is so we can spend time TOGETHER, something we don't get to do much of these days until Keaton goes to bed... at which point I normally collapse. I look forward to a time where I allow myself to actually relax and enjoy 'free' time again. Will that ever happen? I guess it will if I allow it to.

This blog is becoming more about my internal struggles lately. Not sure how great it is to put this out there into the world and have strangers reading about my insecurities... but I guess that's the risk you take when you blog. I've always been better at writing than speaking, so it's nice to have an outlet. Sometimes I wish I could just write my responses instead of talk. (Although anyone who knows me personally knows that I would probably lose my mind if I couldn't talk, too. I like words. A lot.) I think writing allows me that moment of pause I need to actually process what's going on, and then respond. I don't have that filter very often when I speak. This creates plenty of problems when I think I'm saying one thing and in fact it comes out as something totally different. I don't like coming across as a totally selfish, lazy person. Yet it happens. Blah. Og. (Haha... now I'm just entertaining myself. This is bad. But I think I found a title.)

Anyway, the point is that I am learning a lot more about myself, and the list is not really getting shorter on things I'd like to change. I often hear that I'm too hard on myself, and I'm starting to actually hear that now. I think I need to stop striving to be perfect, and realize that perfect is something I'm not sure if I really want to be anyway. I'll settle for imperfect if it means that I'm actually happy with myself and happy with life, and as long as I'm not making anyone else's life miserable.

That's more than enough for today. :)

-Ashley

Cause & Effect

Every day I find myself amazed by Keaton. He is really starting to learn how things work and how to get what he wants on his own. Case in point: Last night while sitting in his high chair, he used his rattle to push his binky over so he could reach it with his other hand. Casey and I both witnessed it and were kind of in awe... it's too cool to see the wheels turning like that. That's not to say that he does it all the time or doesn't get a bit pissed when something doesn't work the way he wants it to. He was on his play mat during tummy time this morning, and while trying to grab a toy he pushed it farther away. After several attempts to get it back, he gave up and had a meltdown. Can't blame him, though... he's not a fan of tummy time to begin with, and then trying to manipulate objects and not yet having the ability to crawl just complicated it. Poor guy.

I have also learned a bit about cause and effect this week. My counselor Cindy made me realize that because I have so much guilt inside, I am holding myself back from really doing things and experiencing life. I have convinced myself that anything bad that happens to me is because I deserve it. Now I wonder all the things I could have done if I wouldn't have thought that way most of my life. But it's nice to see it now and hopefully keep it in mind so I can learn from it. I will again say that this counseling thing is going well, and I'm very glad I went through with it. I feel so much better about life already... and it's nice to have a 3rd party to talk things out with and try to get to the root of the problem.

I guess that's about all for today, just thought I would try to update a bit more while I can. I've also done better around the house the past 2 weeks (Casey can attest to this!)... I'm making lists and trying to stay more motivated. So far so good! Not perfect, but good. :)

-Ash

Changes- Teddy Bear version

1 month

2.5 months

3 months

4 months

5.5 months

5 months w/Beggar

1 month

2.5 months

3 months

4 months

5.5 months

Almost 6 months!!

Realizing that I have referenced Seinfeld at least twice in recent posts, some of the topics are a bit ingenious. I think that we should adopt the idea of having everyone wear nametags. I am so terrible with names, at least of people I just meet... I can repeat their name after they introduce themselves, and I still don't remember it later. Oops. I guess that's why I say, "Hey, you!" all the time. :) I met a very nice mom today at Cradle Talk, and can't remember her name for the life of me. We even talked about meeting up sometime at the mall or something... hopefully she'll find me on Facebook and I can have an easy out. :) There are still people that live on my street whose names I'm not totally sure of... I refer to them as "The one with the cute little girl" or "the rude one". Obviously not to their face...

In other news, Keaton has decided that he does not really like avocados. I should have tried to get video of his first attempt eating it- he spit it out and stuck out his little green tongue in disgust. He kept pushing it out of his mouth... it looked like Play-doh. Too funny. He tried it again last night and still ate most of it, but started to get a bit ticked near the end and protested finishing it off. He loves rice cereal with apricots mixed in, though- he couldn't get enough of that and probably ate a bit more than kids his age are 'supposed' to. As long as he opens his mouth for more, we feed him. He's definitely like a little bird when he eats- he opens his mouth wide, and if you don't feed him right away, he'll squeak at you!

This age is so much fun! I still can't believe he'll be 6 months old next week. As usual, I kept forgetting to take his 5 month pictures, so I finally got around to it last week. Bad Mommy. This time, though, he actually smiled for me, so I will have to upload those soon and post them. (I now realize I have said I would post pictures in previous posts and have failed to follow through, so I will try to redeem myself now and tell you to check out our Flickr link if you're interested.) Pictures

I guess that's about all for now. Keaton is napping in my lap right now, and I'm surprised my growling tummy isn't waking him up... I decided to go to Target after our class today, so we came home late and I am running late eating lunch. Time to put the kid down and raid the fridge!

-Ash