What's goin' on. No really... what's goin' on??

Growth check! Baby A weighs 3.1 lbs, and Baby B is at 2.14! Woot! So here's what's going on. Everything looks good with them developmentally as far as organs, heart rate, etc. But, they are small. They haven't stopped growing, and it's not that they are exactly slowing down, they are just little bitty guys. If you are reading this and don't know me personally, know this: I am small. Like, 95 lbs, 5'0", Size of a 4th grader, as I like to say. (Because it's true.) So thinking that I would have large children is a little less logical for me. I was born- full term- at 5 pounds 1 ounce. Casey was born a tad bit early, at 6 pounds 7 ounces. Casey's not super tall- probably 5'7". We are both smaller folks, so my boys probably will be as well. And Keaton made it to 7 lbs- somehow- and was bigger than any of us thought he would be. If you consider what my body did to hold Keaton in, and I now have two babies in there... I just wonder how much bigger they could get and still stay in! The MFM doctor told me today that if they don't grow much more by 36-37 weeks, that's the point they would induce, because it's easier to feed them on the outside at that point if they are mainly concerned about weight gain, etc. So only time will tell.

Here's what I don't fully understand. Having Gestational Diabetes has restricted my diet. But normally they are concerned that mothers with GD would have babies that are too big. So from an outsider's standpoint, here's my conclusion (and I plan to ask my doctors when I go on Monday): Why restrict my diet if they want the babies to gain weight, and they won't go more than another month anyway, most likely? If I still try not to eat too much sugar and instead eat carbs like breads, pasta, rice, etc... if I don't overdo it, but I'm still able to eat more frequently, shouldn't it level things out? I don't know. But I do know that because of the whole 'small baby' thing, I now have to go do NST tests on Mondays, and have ultrasounds at MFM on Thursdays. Every week. Goodness!! That's okay. It's about the most exciting thing I get to do every week, so why not? And thank you, insurance, for being my friend right now. I am so thankful Casey has the job he does. I don't know how someone would do this without insurance.

I would like to get all my doctors in one big room. With Casey and I. And my medical records. I would like them to look at me physically and not as a number or statistic, because I am not one. I am a human being and I am a unique case. So when I have a doctor, like I did today, just sort of spout out numbers to me instead of feeling like he's actually looking at me and seeing how small I am and the probability that I'll have small babies, it annoys me. Maybe I should be more concerned about what he said, I don't know. I am concerned that the boys measure more like 28 weekers, but that's so much better than where they were, and I still have some fight left in me if they can stay in longer. We can do this! I just want everyone to be on the same page, and not feel like a messenger. I can make it to 34 weeks. I can do whatever I have to do. I'm not saying any of it is going to be easy, because picturing more tests like yesterday EVERY WEEK does not thrill me. But darn it, it's better than the Mag drip or being in the hospital. Just give me back my license to eat!! And if I don't get it back, it looks like I will as soon as the boys are born because I'm planning to nurse and I will need a ton of calories. Soooo... yeah. I'm going to just make it through the weekend and pick their brains Monday. Argh.

On the Riese front- he's becoming a hot commodity. I have a family coming to see him with their dog on Saturday morning. If that doesn't pan out, I've got a couple on standby for Sunday. I've had 4-5 additional inquiries just in the past 24 hours. I think it should be fairly certain now that he will have a home by this time next week. Which makes me sad personally, but happy for him. I love the dog, and just want what's best for him. I haven't really been able to talk to Casey about it much, because it makes him pretty sad. And it's not at all that I'm NOT sad, but I feel like in this situation, I need to step up and take care of it. He doesn't want to be here when Riese goes to his new home. I don't blame him. I hope Keaton takes it okay. We will see how it all pans out over the course of the weekend.

Mom is out of the hospital, and Keith is planning on flying her up tomorrow afternoon. The Hetricks are planning to stay until Sunday (I think Keith is going to help Casey with the basement a bit). It's going to be another busy couple of days. My local friends are throwing a baby shower for us Saturday afternoon, so I'm excited about that!! One of those friends wants to have a long-distance baby shower for us in the next few weeks, too. We feel very blessed. All the way around.

I guess that's all, really. I mean, it's probably not, but I'm going to stop writing for now. More later!! It's almost February. Like... tomorrow. Can't believe it.

-Ash

Weekly NST

Today we had the first of what will be weekly Non-Stress Tests (NSTs) for the twins. They are the same type I had on at the hospital six weeks ago. I have one strap that goes around me to monitor contractions, and then one strap for each baby to monitor their heart rate. That insures that the little guys are not under 'stress' and that everything is apparently going well in there.

Well, the boys were being ornery, as usual, and did not want to cooperate. For this reason, we had to have two nurses actually stay with me the entire time and hold the monitors. I told them I owe them alcohol. They had to stand there for at least 20 minutes and keep good, steady heart rates (like they didn't have anything better to do!). Two wiggly babies for twenty straight minutes.. I do not envy these ladies. Or myself. Or the babies in there who obviously did not like being pushed around. I think it's safe to say we were all uncomfortable. But I'll tell you, I got two great nurses, and we joked around the whole time. It was hard to sit there and try to hold still when we were laughing that much. Even Nana De got to hold a monitor for awhile. It was quite the adventure! And I'm very glad it's over. I've got another one next week... I'm sure the nurses will be THRILLED to see my name on the list. LOL... I'm going to bring in a bottle of some kind of adult beverage if possible. The ladies today were troopers.

Tomorrow we go in for another growth measurement, which means more pictures! I'm glad we don't have to do any more cervix checks... you never know, though, I could always end up in the hospital. De has helped me get a bag together for the hospital, and she's been organizing things around the house since Keaton is at school three days a week now. It's so quiet around here. But Keaton loves school and he's been adjusting well to having to get up at 6 and go in to school with Casey. We hope this will make his nighttime sleeping schedule a little better because he will hopefully be more tired at night and won't fight it so much. Speaking of sleep, I didn't sleep well at all last night (as usual) but more so because I wake up every hour between 12:30 and 3:30, usually, and then this morning Keaton woke up at 4:30 with a bad dream and crawled into our bed. He, Casey, and Riese had a snoring contest. I was appointed the judge because I'm such a light sleeper. It was not fun. Haha... zzzzz...

Riese is still hanging around, and we are still looking for a good home for him.We have a few people that still want to come meet him, so we are waiting things out. We just want to be sure that we find the best possible place for him. Of course he's been on his best behavior the past few days, which is only making this more difficult. But I know we are doing what is best for him. Stuff's about to get CRAZY up in here... it's the 'calm' (yeah right, if this is calm, then... Lord help me) before the storm. Speaking of storms, all these crazy weather systems coming through have screwed with me a bit, and I've definitely felt more pressure and a few more contractions lately. But they don't come anywhere close together and they haven't been intense enough not to talk through... just more uncomfortable than normal, and usually happen at night. I'm not sleeping worth a darn, but I've been able to nap in the mornings, so that's been nice. My glucose levels have been a little wacky, but my doctor said it's because of the Z-pack I had to take last week for being sick. I feel a lot better now. We're getting through it. Local friends are throwing a baby shower for us on Saturday afternoon, so my goal is to at least make it to Sunday. I can do this!!!

I guess that's all for now. Casey's on his way to get Keaton from school, and it's snowing now, so hopefully they will make it here safely and traffic won't be insane. And hopefully we don't get too much snow! 

-Ash

Made it to 32!

Short post...just can't believe we made it to 32 weeks. I am beyond thankful and happy. Uncomfortable, yes...but fat and happy.  :-) I wonder how much longer we can go! I'm doubtful for 6 more weeks, but who knows, we may get induced. Less than six weeks before the boys are here. Insanity.
That is all.

Ash

Riese

Well, last night we came to a bit of a crossroads as a family, and decided that we are not able to care for Riese and give him as much attention and love as he deserves, so we are currently looking for a new home for him. This has been tough. Beyond tough. We did our research and really thought getting him would be a good decision for us at the time. We didn't know that I would get pregnant a few weeks later, and with twins, nonetheless. So, as time goes on and the dog gets bigger, and has more energy than any of us can handle currently (with Casey working 14 hour days and me on bed rest)... we can't afford to keep sending him to Puppy Day Camp or having neighbors walk and watch him for us all the time. We just think it's unfair to him on so many levels, and because he's not getting the attention and training he needs he is getting a little ornery and doing things we wish he wouldn't... this is just the best decision for us. And one of the hardest we've had to make in a few years. (Memories of Charley Brown come back because we are losing a member of the family, and that's always hard.)

All I really want is for the dog to be in a happy home. There have already been a few leads on families in the area that are interested in taking him. I know one of the families and they live in our subdivision, so we could keep in touch and know he's doing well. One of the families has an older Boxer as well, so if it works out they would be able to play together, which would be good for both of them. And he would still be around children. The absolute hardest part of this for me is trying to tell Keaton what is going on. It is his puppy, and of course he has excellent timing in running up this morning and hugging Riese while saying, "I love Riese! He is my puppy!" I am so emotional/hormonal at this point that I'm not able to see much of that without losing it. But I know this is what is best for our human family, and we will not get another dog until the twins are at least 3 and can handle it better. In the meantime we are thinking of getting Keaton a few more fish so it can soften the blow a little. I think he will be fine, but I think the first few days are going to be tough for all of us. I know Casey is having a very hard time with all of this, and I don't blame him. I'm hoping it all happens fast and we can just move on to whatever is coming next. I don't mean that to sound as bad as it probably does... I just know that the longer we drag this out, the harder it's going to be. We would rather make the transition before the babies arrive and all chaos breaks loose around here, because that will be hard on Keaton, and we will more than likely be very sleep deprived and stressed out for a few weeks. The dog doesn't need to feel the brunt of that, either.

Goodness. Too much going on! I would try to handle one thing at a time if they weren't all happening simultaneously!!!

-Ash

Not drowning yet!

My poor Mom. When Keaton got sick just over a week ago, we all got a piece of it, but Mom seemed to get the worst. As the week went on, she was not really improving, so we decided it would be better for her to go back to Kansas and see her own doctors, and recover. I got word this morning that she will be okay, thank GOODNESS. She just needs to rest, something that wasn't really able to happen here due to the boys and I. So in the interim, it looks like Casey's Mom is going to come on Sunday and stay for about a week until Mom is able to return.

We are making it through. I unfortunately got an infection in my eye, so to be safe my friend Kelley is taking me to the doctor this afternoon to get it checked out. I may have a sinus infection... not sure yet. Mom thinks that's what she had, too. And I wouldn't be shocked if that's what Casey and Keaton have right now as well. Darn this cold and flu season! Everyone I know has been sick at some point. I guess I'm glad that I've been able to avoid it all, for the most part. But when I do go out, I hang out in doctors offices... haha. Maybe I'll just count my blessings and be glad that whatever is working has worked and hope that it will continue to work through the rest of this pregnancy. And I hope I at least have another week left in me. (Friends are throwing a baby shower here on February 2nd, so I would love to hold out until after that if possible!)

Things are chaotic, but still in motion, so I can't ask for much more than that. Just hope the babies stay in, people get healthy, and life slows down at least a little before it gets completely chaotic again. I'm just riding the waves.

-Ash

Inspired... and still pregnant.

This was my Facebook status at midnight last night. I just wanted to document it because I think there will be times that I need to reread it in the future. And the feedback I got was very positive, so I'm putting it out there for whoever else may find some comfort or something from it:

I think, just maybe, that life has a way of pushing you to where you need to be. So when you feel like you are about to break, give in, give up-whatever...you are there for a reason. And you have to keep going. Life is about going...moving...changing. Not standing still. Not feeling stuck. Waking up tomorrow and not being a victim, but accepting what is and being hopeful for what will be. So today I will wake up and really WAKE UP. (And when I do, I hope I'm still pregnant.) New day... 31+1.

*****
Good check up at the OB today. My doctor was pleased with my glucose readings and said if I keep it up, I can reduce my blood sugar tests from 4 times a day to 2. He also said that my hemoglobin levels looked normal prior to this, so there were no preexisting signs of diabetes and the boys shouldn't have issues with it either (especially if they stay in even longer). Good stuff. I'm measuring fine, gaining weight as I should be, and with the exception of having to see Nurse Pam (the chick that kicked me out of the room during me 3 hour test) it was a very good check up. I go back for the Non-Stress Test (boys on heart monitors for 30 minutes) next Wednesday. Thursday we go back to MFM for another growth check. I'm going to make it to that point, darn it!!

 Every night I wonder if my water will break. (Hate that my brain does that, but it tends to go in that direction because I'm so uncomfortable at night.) I don't sleep well and it makes me kind of a zombie during the day. But I'm going to do this, darn it. I can't really say that I see myself going to the point of getting induced, because I don't know how much more room the boys can find in there or how much more uncomfortable things can get physically... but who knows? I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I will probably laugh and cry at the same time if that happens. The irony. I'm just going to try to keep up whatever it is I seem to be doing that will buy us more time. Couldn't do it on my own, I know that!!

Almost time for my post-lunch blood sugar check and my afternoon snack. I'm hungry!!

-Ash

Week 31

31 weeks, and still chugging along!! (I think Keaton's obsession with Thomas the Train lately has made me have trains on the brain... yikes.) Anyway, I'm still pregnant. Woot!

I am apparently missing out on some spectacularly cold weather outside. I am so glad not to have to go out at all right now! Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB, so I'll have to bundle up a lot (thank you Old Navy for the maternity coat... that's come in very handy during both pregnancies!). My poor Mom is still sick and the cold weather isn't helping at all. She thinks she has a sinus infection now. We have all gotten some kind of crud, and it's weird how differently it's affected us. Keaton and Mom got the cough, fever, and congestion. Casey and I got stuffy noses and drainage. I can honestly say (now that I think we are on the mend, for this round) that I got very lucky not having a fever or cough. Those were two things I was most afraid of anyway. Could we be in the home stretch?? I certainly hope so.

Bed rest has been quite the journey. Roller coaster may be a better term. I am glad I'm still on the ride, but there have been a few nights lately that I wonder how much longer I have left. I am so incredibly uncomfortable at night, and I'm not sure why. I have more contractions, my hips start going numb, I sweat, and I only sleep in about 45 minute to 1.5 hour increments. I take my Procardia (contraction reducer, if you will) at midnight and have a hard time sleeping before that, because even though I set my alarm, part of me is paranoid that I'll miss a dose. Then I take it, try to settle down to sleep, and then wake up at 1, 2, and 3, before normally passing out until Casey's alarm goes off at 4:15... then again until either my alarm goes off at 6 for medicine or Keaton wakes up, whatever comes first. Swiss cheese sleep SUCKS.

Gestational diabetes has been interesting. I have had a few days (when I felt especially sick) that my blood sugar readings were at the lowest and highest they have been so far. The lowest has been 75 and the highest was 128! I have no idea why it was that high, I ate the same thing two days in a row and it affected me in a totally different way. Not sure what's going on! If my OB is on top of their game, we will find out what they think about my readings and averages, and see if they want me to do anything different. Hopefully I won't have to go on insulin. At this point I doubt it, unless things go wacky. But you just never know with this pregnancy! I shouldn't complain too much, though. At least I'm not stuck in a hospital bed and I'm still allowed to get up and go to the bathroom and bathe myself. Thankful for that, for sure. And while that still has the potential to happen, I feel like I'm in a pretty good stride here, and hope not to break it. Only time will tell!

It is strange to think that, no matter what happens, the boys will be here in 7 weeks. I am not really sure what that will look like right now. I'm sure we'll be in the NICU for at least a small amount of time, but hopefully the boys will be big enough and strong enough not to spend more than a month there... obviously we hope for less. Or none... but less is good.

I guess that's about all for now. Hopefully we'll make it past this week, and all the way past 34 so I can prove my doctors' expectations wrong. :)

-Ash

Stuck

Oh, I have tried SO HARD to stay positive through this whole thing. Really, I have. But it's starting to get the better of me the past week. I don't know if it's been all the trouble with the doctor, or tensions at home, but I really just feel stuck. I want to live my life again instead of having to depend on others to do things for me. I want to be able to get out and get away if I'm stressed. But I can't. And that really sucks sometimes.

I honestly don't have a clue how I'm going to do all of this when I'm actually able to, which is the kicker. I feel like the house and life is staying afloat because Casey is working and fixing things when he gets home, Mom is doing everything else, and Keaton is at school. I don't know how you add two more boys to the equation and then subtract my Mom from it, and it works out okay. How do you do housework, short of hiring someone to come do it? And then raise three children and try not to murder the dog in the process? I feel guilty that I don't know how to balance it all, and it's just going to get harder. It is not healthy for my Mom to stay here much longer after the babies are born. She has done more than enough and I can't ask more from her because the boys here currently are completely wearing her out. It's not her fault, it's just a lot to ask of anyone. Sometimes I just don't know what the solution is going to be. I am stressed out and probably shouldn't blog while I'm trying to sort it all out. I hope this is as hard as it gets. I know there are going to be times ahead that are difficult, but I'm not sure what the circumstances will be, and hopefully there will be a clearer solution. I guess I'm just scared. Sometimes I wonder how I will do this, let alone do it well. Argh. I'm sorry. I'm not looking for pity. Maybe just prayers.

Ash

Blood sugar and productivity

Today I was very productive (in a non-labor related sense). I was able to get things solved with my OB office all before 9 a.m.! And I didn't have to cuss anyone out, which was a perk. I also got a prescription refilled and spent a good 30 minutes on the phone with E-Scripts working out the kinks. I met with my Diabetes Counselor at the hospital and found out that it is going to be a lot less crazy/life-altering than I thought. I need to eat more veggies, a lot less sugar, and balance the carb intake with more protein. I can handle that. Even pricking my finger and testing my sugar isn't bad. I've done it twice now and have been well under the 120 mark. Woot! I'll try to keep it up and see how tomorrow goes. Two months at most of having to do it. I can handle it!

You know what's strange? Knowing that we only have 8 weeks (or less, of course) before we meet our boys. I don't know that it can really sink in until I see them... Then it will all be real. I also found out that some local friends want to throw us a shower, which was a very sweet surprise! I think getting baby things will make it real, too. We have been making a wish list on Amazon.com because a few people started inquiring about it. I have always been hesitant about baby showers- not because I don't appreciate the gifts and getting together with people, but honestly because I feel strange making a list of things for people to get us, especially after the first child. I don't know why I feel strange about that...I just don't want to seem pushy and I don't want it to seem like we want a hand out or anything... Lord knows we can use help getting the gear we will need for two more boys, but I hate feeling like I'm asking for it, you know? So yeah... I'm letting my pride down. Things are about to get crazy around here so I need to accept any help we can get. The Hetrick Twins will appreciate it all. And if you search for that on Amazon, you've found the list. That's the first and last plug I will give.

So we are almost at 30+2. They are growing a ton; My ribcage can attest. Their feet are up in the middle of my chest now, and while I'm not sure where else the boys will find to fit, I just hope they are comfortable. I am not, but it's temporary. It's harder to move and breathe these days. And sleep. The best sleep I get is between 3-5 or 6 a.m. when my alarm goes off to take my meds, or between 9-11:30 a.m. when I tend to pass out from lack of decent sleep the night before. I will sleep again someday. Keaton is going to start going to school three days/week starting next week, so when it's just me and the twins, I'll probably try to nap when they do. And boy do I hope Keaton keeps up his nap for awhile, because Monday he decided not to at all, and was awake from 6:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. and still tried fighting sleep at night. Tonight he passed out by 8, and has barely moved. You just never know with this guy...it's like he thinks he's going to miss out on something. Today was a nice surprise because he fell asleep and Mom didn't have to spend time arguing with him about going to sleep. It's rare...I will take it.

I guess that's about it. No doctors appointments until next Tuesday. Just going to keep chugging along! My immediate family believes I'll make it to 34 weeks, so I'm going to believe them. Sounds like a great goal, and one of my docs told me I wouldn't make it that far, so I'd love to prove them wrong!  :-)

Ash

Keatonisms

This kid is getting more hilarious every day... I swear.

*****

My Mom's GPS stopped working while Keaton was in the car, and for some reason he enjoys hearing the lady's voice. K: "She went on a coffee break, Grandma."

"We took the scenic route...all the way to the scenic route place."

One Direction was on Ellen, and Keaton asked who they were, so I told him. He then counted them and said, "There are five directions, Mommy."

"It's a Jupiter thing." ??
 
Casey to Keaton: "Where's your curiosity?
K: "I dunno where my curiosity is. My curiosity is in my tummy."

"My stomach has a headache."

"Crackers, crackers! That's Grandma in English." ??

After kissing my arm and hand: "You're a good Mommy. You're doing a good job." (Excellent timing on this one...my kid is intuitive.)

The Lows

I like to believe that I'm a fairly optimistic person, in general. Sure, I have times where my anxiety gets the better of me and I see more of a realistic/pessimistic view of the world, but the spirit within me would rather laugh, dance, and have fun. Unfortunately, I'm at a pretty low point this week. I will apologize in advance, but writing is therapeutic to me, and I feel like I really just need to get this out.

Here's the truth of it. Bed rest really sucks. It is not just laying around, relaxing, sleeping whenever you want. It's trying to stay as comfortable as possible, feeling like a nag because you have to ask for everything you want, feeling guilty when things aren't quite the way you'd like them to be. It's rolling- literally- out of bed when you have to go to the bathroom. It's waking up every hour or two because your hips go numb or you have to pee, or both. It's trying not to go crazy because you have so much free time to think about everything going on around you that you don't have much, if any, control over. It's not being able to sit upright, and spilling food all over yourself. It's heartburn and acid reflux. It's attempting to be a parent while lying down, and realizing how much or little your child actually listens to you. It's arguing with your spouse or other loved ones. It's making sure you get up often enough not to get blood clots in your legs. It's becoming dependent on technology to entertain you (when you get bored easily like I do and don't get as motivated to do crafty things... I've tried... it's not working!). It's when you try so hard not to be disappointed in people, but being surprised when friends tell you they will do something and then do not follow through over and over again. It's finding out who keeps their word and who doesn't. It's trying so hard to be optimistic, and being so glad to still be pregnant... but then feeling selfish when you can't wait for this part to be over. All I really want are two healthy babies. I will do this as long as it takes. But if next week is anything like the last one, it's going to be the hardest thing I've done so far in life.

I have a hard time remembering days right now, so this week is a little fuzzy. I don't remember what Monday consisted of, but Tuesday was the day that I went in for the 3 hour glucose test because I failed the first. I had to fast from midnight Tuesday, and my appointment was at 10 that morning. I was starving before I even got the appointment. The nurse set me up in a nice room right across from the bathroom. I was able to chat with nurses and hear them gossip, which was a decent way to pass the time. As soon as I got in the room, the nurse took my blood, and I had to chug this super sweet drink that tasted like flat Sprite (which has made me not want Sprite again). One hour later, another poke with the needle. Another hour, another vile of blood. I got up to go to the bathroom again, and when I came back, a rather grumpy nurse met me at the door and asked me what I was doing in the room. I told her, and she decided that I needed to move to another room because she needed it for another patient. Excuse me, aren't I a patient, too? I barely had any time left, could she not have used another room? Even my original nurse came in and tried to help, but grumpy nurse overruled her. I got set up in a room pretty far away from everything, but decided to make the most of it. My nurse came back in and took one last vile of blood, and I was free to go- at around 1:15. They said I would find out the results one way or the other on Wednesday, between 10 and 4. So we splurged on Burger King for lunch just in case I failed and couldn't have it again for awhile.

Wednesday came, and by 3:50 I hadn't yet heard back about the results, so I called the office. Everyone was gone. I called the triage nurse line, but they were gone, too. I tried one more number, but no answer, and no answering machine. I was pissed. I decided that hopefully no news is good news, so I would wait until my OB appointment the next afternoon and find out.

Thursday we went to the MFM doctors again. The boys got their growth check and are both over 2 pounds now!! They are small, but on track. I don't have to go back to that office for 3 more weeks, which is strange because I've been seeing them weekly since week 21. (We'll be at 30 weeks on Monday!) Still can't believe I've been on bed rest for almost 9 weeks now. I don't want to even look at it that way because it's a little depressing, but we have also come a LONG way.

Anyway, Mom and I grabbed lunch and then headed to my OB's office. The nurse and nurse practitioner were very nice. While the nurse took my blood pressure, I inquired about the results for the glucose test. She said she figured if they never called me, it would be good news. So when my nurse practitioner came in and found out that I didn't know yet, she went out and made some phone calls. Came back with the news: I do indeed have Gestational Diabetes. I was so pissed off/disappointed that I just started crying. It is just another instance where they have dropped the ball. I had to be the one to remind them BOTH TIMES of the test and results for it. So they jabbed me again with the needle (at this point I look like I do drugs, for sure.. my arms have all kinds of poke marks and bruises). They said I would get a call from a Diabetic counselor sometime that day.

Sure enough, about 20 minutes after I got home from the appointment, my counselor called. She said that she wasn't sure what my doctors would like me to do since I'm on bed rest and can't easily come in to do 'training' with the glucometer and test strips, etc., so she was going to call and consult with them and give me a call on Friday. Friday came and went. Around 4, I called her office...everyone had gone home for the weekend. At this point I'm beyond pissed. I don't know what I am supposed to do at this point, besides read things online about managing a diet for GD, and trying to monitor what I'm eating on my own. I won't know how it's really affecting my blood sugar, but I can at least try to take strides to manage it. Especially if no one is going to follow through and help me right now.

So, that's pretty much what's going on. Things around the house aren't going great, either... but hopefully it'll be over soon. Keaton is running a fever today, and all we want to do is cuddle together, but I can't risk getting sick. All I want to do is hold my baby boy. Instead I'm hiding in my bedroom in hopes of avoiding it altogether. :(

Damn, what a downer of a blog entry. I'm sorry everyone. It does feel better to get it out, but hopefully I didn't bring anyone down with me. Just take this with you: If someone is on bed rest, please don't tell them how lucky they are to be there, or maybe even how sorry you feel for them because they are. Also, if you tell someone on bed rest that you will come visit/bring food over/whatever, try to follow through with it. It may be out of your control, but after the second or third time cancelling, it feels like avoidance. Encouragement about still being pregnant is a great thing- I always appreciate that.Encouragement in general is wonderful, and probably one of the things I appreciate the most. Anything else is a perk, really.

I wouldn't wish this part on anyone. I know it'll be worth it in the end, because if I didn't think about that part, I would be completely depressed. So for now I'm just going to try to take each day and hope for the best, and allow myself to feel sad when I need to, but try not to wallow in it. I'm thankful to be 29 and 5. I'm thankful that the boys have a good and reliable doctor, and that they are growing well. I'm thankful again that this is all just temporary.

I'm going to write another entry soon- maybe even today- with the newest Keatonisms. They will definitely be more exciting to read than this was! I'm sorry again.

-Ash

Whatchu say, Mr. K?

Keatonisms over the past few weeks:

Keaton to Grandma, "You taste like tomatoes..... I taste like Grandma." Haha...?

He came to kiss his brothers goodnight and give them a hug. Sometimes I ask him if he wants to say anything to them because they can hear him now... He'll either say "Thomas the Train" or "Stay in there, brudders!" Love it. :-D

(Referring to his place mat with the United States):
"I got syrup on Mississippi!"
"There's something yucky on Alabama."

"Okay little Grandma... okay baby Grandma." (He's talking to my tiny Mom, so I guess I can see where that came from.. lol...)

"No more submarines!!!" --No idea.

"Riese is stinky. We're trying to get the stink off of him."

Me: "Goodnight, Big Man."
K: "Ack-shu-wee, I'm not big yet. I will be soon, dough!" :-D
Too soon, I'm afraid.

**Favorite things Keaton says on a regular basis:

(When he gets in trouble): "Okay, I won't do dat any-more."

(When he sees me eating anything, especially chocolate, while batting his eyes): "You wanna share that with me, Mommy?"

(When he sees a pretty girl, especially a celebrity): "What her name again, Mommy?"

"You wanna play with me?"

"You take your medicine yet, Mommy?"

"Okay, here's the plan..."

ADORE this child. He needs his own reality TV show. Okay, maybe not.. but he entertains me. :)

-Ash

Another day, another doctor appointment

This time I'm at the OB, taking the lovely three hour glucose test. They drew my blood, made me chug this super nasty drink, then have to come back every hour to draw more blood. Four needle sticks. Besides the fact that I haven't had anything to eat since 9 last night, I'm doing okay so far. I have to skip my noon dose of Procardia, and I hope it won't affect me too much. I've felt more contractions since I've been here, but nothing too terrible. Just ready to be done with this.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but Keaton got moved up to the 3-6 classroom last week. He apparently had no problem with it and ran right in this morning. Thank goodness! His day at home yesterday did not go very well. He is fighting sleep with every ounce of his being these days. He gave my Mom such a fit yesterday that after almost ten straight minutes of hearing him argue with her about various things instead of lay down for nap, I finally went into his room. He had his purple balloon, which he's not supposed to have at nap time anyway, and would not give it up. He also tried putting the string around his neck, so that was the final straw for me. I took it, he freaked, and ended up running after me. What resulted was a big struggle to get him back into his room, into timeout, and calmed down. He was hitting and kicking things, screaming at the top of his lungs, and we finally had to put a baby gate up in front of his door so he wouldn't escape. Just when I thought he was asleep he started trying to get Mom to go in, so I gave up and had him come lay with me in my bed. He got a nap, and luckily we didn't see that side of him again for the rest of the day. He was pretty wound up even after his nap, but luckily no more meltdowns. It was rough.

I hear that kids regress when new changes happen...it would explain a few things about his attitude lately. I hope it's not too bad when the babies come home.

Anyway, less than an hour before I'm done with this crap! Get me out of here! I hope I pass...

Ash

Small miracles

Houston, we may have a very small miracle. My cervix went from .4 mm last week to between .5-.6 this week! I have heard about cervix lengthening, but it doesn't seem to happen often. Yay bed rest!! It seems to be working. We are at 28 + 3 now and no matter how you look at it, we are at our first big goal. The boys are growing a lot, and although we thought we'd have a growth check today, there was apparently miscommunication and we won't do that until next week. I am willing to bet they are both at least 2 lbs now. I am just very thankful that everything worked out the way it did... it's a pleasant surprise to hear that not only did it stay the same as last week, it got LONGER. I can't believe it.

I've been keeping regular status updates on Facebook, and feel like the number of people who care and are praying for us is pretty amazing. I sometimes feel strange sharing certain things on Facebook, so I don't talk about cervix length and usually make general statements about how the boys are doing, etc. But really, I've found that Facebook has been a nice outlet (for me) and that the support and encouragement I get on it really lifts my spirits. I know that when the boys are born and come home, I will probably fall off the face of the planet for awhile as far as that is concerned, and I'm making it more difficult for myself by continuing to be on the computer/internet all the time during bed rest. But I also figure that this is a difficult time in my life, and if I can find support through that, as well as balance it with other non-technological things (something I need to work on), then all will be well. It will not always be this way. I will not always be able to update the blog, and while I'd love to be able to do that in order to record what's going on in at least the boys' lives, I know there are other priorities I need to have- like my family. So for now, you've got me, and you've got probably too much information about everything. And soon, if you actually follow my blog, you will probably wonder if I'm still alive. So it will all balance out in the end.

I think that's about all for tonight. Surely I'll update again soon... I don't have another appointment until next Thursday, so my plan is just to keep on keepin' on. It seems to have worked so far!

-Ash

New Year... still pregnant!!

Happy 2013! I am glad to report that the little dudes are still in my tummy! We are at 28 weeks (and two days now, if you're keeping track). Anything beyond this point is a plus. I am so glad we made it to the first big goal (besides 24 weeks) and I've heard great stories about babies born at this point. Of course, nothing is absolutely certain, but we are hopeful of course. The New Year has started out well. We kept it very low-key, and Mom even went to bed long before midnight, so Casey and I stayed out in the living room, ate ice cream, drank sparkling cider, and enjoyed our FOURTEENTH year together.

Well, little man just woke up, so I'll keep this short. More later!!

-Ash