Hospitalization & Bed rest

I never really thought I'd be writing a post from the hospital, especially this early in the game, yet here I am... unable to sleep, bored, and trying to get my mind to stop going in circles.

Thursday morning I went in for my routine check up at Maternal Fetal Medicine. My bleepin' cervix thinned out more, and is now down to 1.5... Then they monitored me for contractions, and because I had some, I was admitted to the hospital for observation. And I will be on full bed rest from this point forward. Damn. Worth it in the long run... but damn.

My stay here has been pretty uneventful so far, thank goodness. I apparently have contractions when my bladder gets full, which is more often because I'm on IV fluids and have two little dudes stomping around down there. I guess I also tend to have them when the boys move around a lot. No wonder things have progressed more, due to those two things. This whole situation is pretty unnerving, but I'm receiving support and encouraging words from the doctors and nurses. Other women have been in much more critical situations and have still made it close to full term. I hope that will be my story, too. I dread going to the doctor right now because I feel like every time I do, something disappointing happens. I don't want to dwell on it, of course. I don't want to sit here and think any negative thoughts, and with the exception of the initial realization that my cervix isn't cooperating and things could be progressing a lot more quickly than we hoped (since 24 weeks marks viability and we are less than a week from that point), I'm still trying not to get caught up in it all.

So I'm watching lots of TV, checking Facebook a ton, playing Words with Friends, and sleeping whenever I can. I got two hours of sleep, and maybe an additional hour in there before waking up to go to the bathroom...again. I have to unplug my fetal monitor and then the battery for my IV drip, wrap the cords around the little trolley for my IV, and drag it to the bathroom. Quite the process. Could be worse, though!

I'm thankful for many things, though. Awesome doctors and nurses. A nice, long visit from Keaton and Casey Thursday night which included dinner. Messages from family and friends. Offers to help with food, Keaton, etc.. The cinnamon chip scone in my purse that I bought before my doctor's appointment Thursday morning that I forgot about until later. Unrestricted diet, and room service. Modern medicine. Insurance. My amazing husband who is doing the job of 3 or 4 people right now and holding everything together. He is wrapping up one job and starting another at work the next two weeks, so timing for all of this could have been better. I'm so glad people are working with him and are understanding of our situation right now. I'm also very thankful that no matter how much my body isn't cooperating with me, the twins are doing just fine, and getting bigger and stronger all the time. Stay in there, babies! It is certainly not time to come out yet. Please wait at last 4-5 more weeks if at all possible!!!! And dammit, cervix... Get your stuff together! Literally, keep it together, would ya?? Nonetheless, thankful that they are still in there.

I think that's enough from me. Even as I write this I'm having little tiny contractions...they aren't much of anything, but the fetal monitor is right around my tummy and I can feel it tighten every now and then. Unnerving. I wish this was more of a mind over matter thing... But no luck. All I can do is sit, wait, hope, and try not to stress.

More later!

-Ashley

Almost There!

Written 11\28:

Well, we've made it to 23 weeks! One more week until "viability". I go back to the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor tomorrow for a cervix check...hopefully everything will look the same a last week. A family member asked if it was weird that people are praying for my cervix... While it does make me laugh, I actually really appreciate it! I'm kind of praying for it, too. I may not be a very religious person, but I do think this experience has made me more of a believer than I used to be. Being pregnant with twins is definitely a miracle to me.

Thanksgiving came so fast, and now we are in full swing for Christmas. I can't believe it's winter already. Lights are up, tree should be up next weekend, Santa mall visit is happening soon. I can't go shipping this year, so I guess I'll be shopping online! It could still be fun, though. I have fine out a few times with the boys to get various things, but I get worn out quickly and have to go pretty slowly when I do. Last night we went to Best Buy and were considering getting a new camera for me. The man helping us was in a wheelchair. He actually got up and let me sit in it! What a nice guy... I couldn't refuse. I'm going to have to let my pride down and suit in one more often, I think. Darn bed rest.

Anyway, I go to my OB on Friday...can't wait to see how much weight I've gained so far! That is one perk if being pregnant over the holidays...I'm going to stuff my face and not think twice about it.  :-)

I should be awake soon, so I'm going to go. More later!

Ash

Pregnancy Insomnia

Forgive my rant, please. I spent the majority of the day on the couch laying around (doctor's orders!) and now that it's time to sleep, I can't, for many reasons. Husband and dog snoring. Babies throwing a dance party in my belly. The need to pee. The desire to eat. Energy I can't expend, so I take it out on whatever piece of technology is near me, usually my phone. It's just there, and I'm awake, and it entertains me.

Sometimes lately I feel like I'm sitting outside looking in at life, but I'm not able to really participate in it. My kid has been very wrapped up with our company the past two days, and I'm glad for that, except the part where he doesn't really want much to do with me. I can understand why- I can't do much. He has three 'new' people to entertain him. But it still makes me sad that when I do volunteer to get up and help with something, he pushes me away. So I let it slide, and try not to let it hurt. I'm just a little lonely/emotional right now. I know it needs to be this way, and there's really not a lot I can do to change or solve it right now... But it's not easy to just sit back and watch, either. It's not fun to be out of the loop. Anyway, this too shall pass, and it will be worth it. I will put it in better perspective after I get some sleep. Hear that, husband/dog/babies/bladder/hunger pangs?

-Ash

Almost Thanksgiving

I just got a new phone, and decided to download the Blogger app, so here goes my first entry... Chances are you won't even be able to tell the difference.

The AT&T repairman is here right now, and the dog is going nuts. I started out with the disclaimer, "Sorry, I'm basically supposed to be on bed rest, so I can't really pull him off of you." Please don't sue me, Mr. AT&T man. I put Riese out back, but the downside is it's muddy and he and the neighbor dog have been conspiring and digging a hole under the fence. Both times I've let him out to go to the bathroom today, I've had to catch him and get down and wipe off his muddy paws before he runs through the house. Probably not the greatest thing for me to try to do right now, but I can't just let him go free and make a huge mess that someone else well have to clean up, if I can avoid it. Casey's parents and middle sister are flying in tonight for Thanksgiving, and I can't say that I'm not embarrassed by the state of our house currently...so glad they understand and don't expect Martha Stewart cleanliness right now (or ever, from me).

In other news, this morning we went to a potluck at Keaton's school. I was under the impression that we were eating Thanksgiving lunch with the kids, but I was sorely mistaken. We were to bring the food and watch them eat it. They had turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, cornbread muffins, fruit, and even pumpkin pie. I sat there in my chair and watched my kid eat the fruit, muffin, a bite or two of turkey, and an entire piece of pumpkin pie. All the rest was thrown away... I would have gladly volunteered to clean his plate! So after we were done, I ran to Sonic and grabbed some food, as I was about to eat my arm. Kind of bummed that it all worked out that way, but there want much I could do, you know? Keaton had fun with his friends, and that's all that really matters. :)

That's all for now. Casey's parents are on the way now and I'm trying to keep Keaton and Riese in one piece. I missed my nap today and I'm really feeling it right now! More later!

Ash

Thankful for 22 weeks!

Before I write much, I wanted to correct something that my parents reminded me of... I forgot part of a Keatonism in my last post. When he got out his doctor kit, he also said, "I see a dinosaur and a purple bird in your ear." :)

Well we went to the doctor this morning, and I am happy to report that the 'ol cervix is holding steady, and the boys are growing a lot. They were ornery and moved around quite a bit for the ultrasound tech, but we know that they are very close in size, and all their organs, etc. are looking great so far. Poor Baby B got the shaft again, and this time there were no photos taken of him because Mr. A was in the way. He (A) was showing off quite a bit for us, too, and we got a nice picture of him opening his mouth. The doctor told me to just keep doing what I'm doing, so here I am... :) I can only hope for at least 12 more weeks of the same!

I feel like I have a bit more energy. (Ironic, isn't it, that I have to lay down most of the time? If only I could store it!) I am apparently getting [more] feisty right along with my boys, as I said something to the man helping me at Sprint last night that I probably never would have said at all. He was a young guy, and a female coworker came up and grabbed his arm muscle. He said, "I've been working on that one." Without blinking/thinking, I said, "I always worry about a guy that has one arm bigger than the other." Luckily they started cracking up.... I was so embarrassed... I have NO FILTER right now at all! I'm even embarrassed as I type this! But I guess that's why it's noteworthy. I will totally blame all the crazy pregnancy hormones on that one. LOL...

I guess that's about all for now. More soon, of course. :)

OH! Check this out: Keaton flips the bird...

-Ash

"Modified Bedrest"

"Modified Bedrest"... What does it mean? I am still trying to figure that out, exactly. We went back to the doctor on Thursday and found out that, luckily, my cervix has stayed the same over the week, and the boys still look just fine. (Newest 3D/4D ultrasound pics on Flickr now!) We got a bunch of additional pictures of them, which is always nice (although I haven't seen the bill for this whole thing yet... [gulp]). I am staying on the progesterone indefinitely now, and am limited to a bit of walking, no lifting, and strongly encouraged to lay horizontally whenever I can, to avoid putting pressure downward on my cervix. So, neat. I can tell you this much: Bedrest is BORING. I'm not even fully on it yet, and I haven't even experienced it for a full week, but I am already wondering how I will make it through without going nutty. I also haven't figured out how to do this whole thing with a toddler and large dog. My amazing friends have been very gracious and have taken Keaton (and even Riese) for an hour or so at a time to allow me to rest. I hate not being able to be as involved in things with Keaton, but he's been awesome, with the exception of a few crazy meltdowns. They are to be expected, though- things are changing quite a bit already for him, and that has to be hard. But he's proving to be a very sensitive, courteous, and independent little boy no matter what. Here are a few things he's done in the last few days:

"Mommy, you're broken. You're breaked. I get my doctor kit." Next thing I know, he's got a thermometer on my elbow and says, "It says eight pounds." Later, I was laying on the couch and he pulled the blanket off me and said, "It's time to get your jammies on!" then pulled me into my bedroom, found pajamas, and tried to dress me. Today he decided that he wanted a granola bar, so he went into the kitchen, got the box by himself, got out a bar and said, "Mommy, you like a granola bar too?" and brought one for me. He asks me if I want the 'heater' (back massager that the boys got me for my birthday) for my back and even tries to turn it on for me. This guy is great. :) I think I'll be in good hands for the rest of my life. 

I would imagine you will start hearing more from me over the course of this bedrest thing. I will try my best not to go crazy, as I will need my sanity for when the boys arrive and will need all the rest I can get until then. So... here goes nothing. Hopefully I can avoid full bedrest entirely, or at least for a few more months so I can actually move around and be as involved as I can be for as long as possible. Especially with the holidays coming up, I would really like to be able to see Keaton visit Santa, among other things. One day at a time. One week at a time. Here's hoping for at least ten more awesome, crazy, possibly (maybe even hopefully) boring weeks ahead, and to some healthy little baby boys.

-Ashley

31 years, 21 weeks...

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days around here. Casey had Monday off, so we spent the day running around with various appointments and meetings. I had my check-up at Maternal Fetal Medicine in the early afternoon, which was basically a check of my cervix (to make sure it was staying 'long') and a check on the fluid levels for the boys. Well, the boys look good. They are growing a lot, and we got some additional pictures of them- this time in 3D/4D. Pretty neat. One was even smacking the other in the face! Their levels looked fine, and they appear to be right on track.

What was not on track was my darn cervix. I went from 3.5 cm a few weeks ago, to 2.1 cm. This means that because my cervix is getting thinner, the boys have a much higher chance of coming out early. The doctor decided to monitor me for contractions, and to my surprise, I had two small ones while in the office. This is obviously not good news. He started me on two different types of medications- one to control the contractions and hopefully slow them down or stop them altogether, and another to keep the cervix where it is. If that doesn't work, I will go back in for a cerclage (where they suture my cervix closed to prevent the babies from coming out early). There are studies done with both of these methods, but not many done with twins, so it's kind of up in the air right now about what we will do. I go in tomorrow to find out for sure if the meds worked, and see what happens from there. I know I had more contractions yesterday (none were painful, just a tightening of my stomach every once in awhile) and I think I may have had one earlier, but they seem to be at least slowing down now. I am surprised I didn't know I was even having them before. I honestly thought if my stomach was a little tight, it was either because the boys were stretching, or because there simply isn't a lot of give in my tummy region right now. Who knows.

What I do know right now is that I'm emotional, scared, and unsure of what's ahead of us. It looks like going back to Kansas for Christmas is out of the question this year, though. I'm really glad I got to go back last week. As for the babies, the doctor said that it is crucial that they make it to the 24 week mark (3 weeks from now). If they can make it past that, they have a lot smaller chance of having serious health problems for the rest of their lives. Ideally, 28 weeks is where we want to be, and of course longer, if possible. 28 weeks is right around the New Year. I hope they at least make it to 2013 before making any kind of appearance, no matter what that may mean for me physically. Even being on partial bedrest is absolutely no fun, especially with a toddler and puppy. But I'm doing what I have to do. Not lifting, not going fast, and pretty much sitting around eating and drinking while Keaton and Riese run around. Keaton has been pretty good so far about understanding that I can't lift him. He gets himself in and out of his car seat, and crawls up in my lap at story time. He's fussed a bit, but I can normally talk him into cooperating with me. I'm glad he's already so independent.

I guess I forgot to mention that yesterday was my 31st birthday. It was kind of a strange one. If it weren't for all of the birthday love I received through friends here, calls from home, and the 150+ Facebook messages I got to read, I'm sure I would have been out of sorts yesterday. My friend Janine brought me hot chocolate, a bouquet of flowers, a beautiful card, and almost a roll of tape to "keep the babies in" which made me laugh hysterically (if only it would work!!!). My friend and neighbor Val came over and brought me lunch, then took Riese on a walk last night. It was a good day, all things considered. Casey has been in Massachusetts on business since yesterday morning, but he called me several times, and sent me a very pretty bouquet of roses. Keaton had school, and probably the downside of the day was when I went to pick him up and he threw a fit. He really didn't want to leave. He yelled at me, hit at me, and cried. And I think because of everything going on, the medicines I'm taking, and the fact that I missed him and wanted him with me, I ended up crying too. At school. In front of the teachers. It was embarrassing, but I know his head teacher understood. I just can't seem to control it right now, and have almost lost it several times over the last few days. Not to mention the fact that I retired my coat yesterday and put on the maternity coat, which still had little pieces of Charley hair on it. That was enough to make me tear up yesterday. Ugh... hormones. Emotions. The feeling of being out of control of a situation and not knowing how things are going to pan out. I'm overwhelmed.

So anyway, I'm 31 years old, 21 weeks pregnant, and completely unsure of what the future holds right now. I don't want anything more than to keep these little guys in as long as possible. And I hate that it probably means having friends and family stop what they are doing and come help us, but I have learned through this that it just needs to be done. I may not be able to pay everyone back for the kindness and concern they have shown us, but I will certainly try to when it's all said and done. I just want the two littlest Hetricks to be okay, and wish that I knew that were a certain thing. Everything is up in the air right now, and I know worrying about it will not help at all... so I sit here, kind of a prisoner of my own thoughts... pushing away the bad thoughts no matter now many times they keep creeping back in... picturing my goal of two very healthy little boys running around and terrorizing their dog and older brother... the chaos that I knew would come with all of this, but the ability to smile about it and know that we got past it all. I sincerely hope for that. And although I tend to joke about having a 'two kid plan' and now we are finishing the basement, looking at minivans, and sort of in one of the craziest points of our lives- that is exactly what I want. I want these two little boys so badly now, especially after seeing their faces again and again (and realizing how much they look like Keaton)... I want it all. The chaos. The sleepless nights. Figuring out how to feed two boys at once. I want all of it. And I'm going to do my best to be sure that it happens. If I get one wish for my 31st birthday, it is that I will have two healthy little boys sometime this year... no matter if it is sooner or later, I just want it to be true.

Love,

Ash

And... November.

Goodness, I could have sworn I'd been better about updating this thing, but alas, I have not even tackled Halloween yet. Let's see... costumes were fun, weather was cold, and Keaton scored a ton of candy (that I've managed to eat when he sleeps, without him noticing). :) My parents came up for a week because Casey had a trip to Pennsylvania the last week of October, but it got cancelled. Mom cooked a ton of great food, and Keaton enjoyed his time with Grandma and Grandpa. Casey left Saturday for a week-long trip to London, and Keaton and I rode home with my parents to Kansas. We had a great time, saw family and friends, and ate some great food. (Food is a theme here... but I'm sure I've gained at least 3 pounds over the trip. We ate a TON of BBQ! My doctors should be happy with my progress, I think.)

Keith and De flew us back to Illinois yesterday. We took a larger plane this time, which would have made the ride a little smoother if not for the crazy storm system that was coming through at the time. We ran into rain, a ton of wind, thunder, lightning, and even some ice. It was a pretty bumpy ride, but my trust in Keith as a pilot outweighed any of the nerves I felt along the way. Keaton liked all of it, except flying through clouds. I got some fun pictures of the clouds and landscapes along the way... they're in the 2012 album on Flickr if you'd like to check them out.

Okay, now for the real reason behind my motivation to blog tonight: Keatonisms. He's really cracking me up lately, and of course he was at the top of his game while we were in Kansas. Here are the highlights (courtesy of Facebook updates, without which all may be forgotten...)

*****
Keaton stole and hid the child lock off the entertainment center, and I asked if he could find it and bring it back to me. Instead, he went to his toy kitchen and ripped off the refrigerator door, brought it to me, and said, "You looking for this?" No, bud...but good try...? 

**
On the road trip home to Kansas, Keaton really wanted to take his shoes off, and it was right before we were going into a restaurant. My Mom said, "The restaurant won't let you in if you have your shoes off... it just one of Kansas's crazy laws." Keaton said, "Kansas isn't crazy, Mommy!" (Little does he know...)

**
Daylight Saving Time started while we were in Kansas. One morning, Keaton woke up at 5:45 and would not go back to sleep. My Dad woke up before his alarm, but forgot to turn it off, so it started beeping at 6:30 and I ran in to take care of it. It was obvious Keaton wasn't going to go back to sleep at that point, so as I walked downstairs with him, I told him he was going to get the "grumpy version" of Mommy this morning since I didn't get to sleep anymore. He told my Mom, "We get the grumpy version today, Grandma." LOL....

**
I just asked Keaton what he wants to be when he grows up. "Mommy, I don't wanna grow up. I grow up later."

**
Keaton: "Mommy, I can't go to sleep because my eyebrows hurt." ???

He was also playing with marbles today and came over and handed me a dark one. He then informed me that it came from his 'undies'. It was then that I realized it was not a marble at all, and it did indeed come from his underwear. 

**
Keaton, talking about his chicken nuggets:

"Mommy, this one looks like Ohio."
Me: "That's nice, buddy. Now it's time to eat it."
K: "But I don't wanna eat Ohio!"

**
"I like crackers. They don't have disagreements. You just eat them."

At dinner tonight, Keaton was talking to one of our favorite sushi chefs about his baby brothers. The chef said, "I bet he [Casey] is excited!" and Keaton replies, "Yeah! And Mommy's freaking out!" LOL... truth. :) 

*****

I guess that's about it for now. I'm sure there are some I forgot, he is just full of so many funny things lately! Including brown 'marbles'. ;)

More soon!

-Ash