Now that the Keatonisms are posted for the week, I need to rant. Sorry in advance.
Let me first state the obvious. Everybody is different. Every BODY is different. Pregnancy and childbirth affect women in totally different ways.
I know I'm not alone here, but this is tough to talk about, mainly because people judge me immediately when they find out I've had twins, let alone 3 children. I carried all my boys right up front, and lost most of the baby weight fairly soon after having them. Neat. It is what it is. I didn't follow a plan, or do much, other than run around like a chicken after the babies were born. I nursed all of them, so maybe that helped the pounds come off... who knows. But I also didn't gain a whole lot of weight with them when I was pregnant.
This is not humble bragging, nor is it complaining. It is simply stating that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. I have had women I didn't know (and some I do) tell me they "hate" me because my body "bounced back" after having kids. Someone I know and love told me I need to have more babies because I don't look like I had any. But before you scan me up and down (especially if you don't know me) and want to know how I could possibly lose all the weight, etc... just know that it is a very awkward, delicate conversation to have with a mother. I feel guilty, and again- AWKWARD, about how I apparently look to everyone else. I simply don't know what to say. I sometimes say "Thank you." I sometimes make it just as awkward and say things like, "Yeah, well you haven't seen me naked... there is definitely proof I had three kids." Why do I care so much? Well, why does everyone else seem to? Women are a tricky breed. I feel like I have to be especially careful in what I say, because people can get so easily offended. So maybe I look "normal" again (whatever that is!). I also look tired as heck (have you seen the bags under my eyes?). Nursing twins makes you hungry as heck, almost all the time. I eat frequently. Do I eat healthy things? Nope. Not often, at least. And that will probably come back to haunt me when I visit my dentist and later in life when it has a detrimental effect on my health.
I have come to accept the fact that I am a small person. But as I always say, I am the size of a 4th grader. I don't think that's something to be jealous of! Being mistaken for a kid more often than an adult? Not so much fun. Would you be jealous of gestational diabetes and 14 weeks of bed rest? I should hope not! But it was reality for me.
Please don't read this as me trashing myself, either. I am more comfortable with myself now than I probably ever have been. There is plenty of room for improvement, but I feel confident enough to post things like this, now. I am too worried sometimes about what others think or say about me. I am learning, over time, that people who are negative do not have a place in my life, because they make me negative, too. I don't need to be in 'poisonous' relationships with people who judge me and talk about me behind my back. I've found out recently that a few people I thought were my friends fall into this category, and it's really disappointing. But I'm out of middle school (thank goodness) and am glad to move on. That doesn't mean it doesn't bug me to no end that people don't like me for really shallow reasons, but I also realize that I don't need people like that in my life anyway. Sad that it took me 30 years to figure that out, but I'm glad to have learn the lesson at all.
If anyone else out there has a good comeback for "you don't look like you've had any kids" or "I wish I looked like you after having kids"... etc... please feel free to post. Until then, I guess "thank you" will have to suffice... no matter how unsatisfying.
-Ashley
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