Letting it out...

Another Monday blog... At least I'm consistent at something right now! Another week has gone by, and we are still fighting this cold. The three of us sound like we smoke a pack a day with all our hacking and coughing. Keaton is getting better (we're going in today for a recheck on his ears... hopefully the newest meds are working!). I am either completely in denial that he's almost two, or he's just going through a really strange phase right now. The other night he had what we think was a night terror- woke up screaming and thrashing around, would not calm down for over 30 minutes, and would barely respond to anything I tried to do. He kept saying, "Keaton go go!! Keaton go go!!" and whenever I would ask him where he wanted to go, he'd stop crying. Other than that, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, hitting himself in the head, and throwing himself backwards. It was scary, to say the least. He's also not been going to bed very easily, and will throw everything out of his crib (which should teach me not to put anything in it!)... last night he decided he didn't want to wear pants, so he took them off twice and started to take his diaper off when I intervened and changed him into footie pajamas. We laid him down around 6:30 because he was obviously exhausted, but he didn't settle down and actually go to sleep until after 8:30. Today is the first nap he's taken where he laid right down and didn't fight it. I'm at a loss. People say not to go back in the room, and that's what I'm going to try to do, my concern is that he's trying to climb out of the crib now. I'm not quite ready to get him into a toddler bed, but I also don't want him to climb out of the crib and hurt himself, so we'll see if he settles down and stops his attempts.

I'm not going to lie, parenting has been really tough lately. I can't help but feel like I have no clue what I'm doing right now. My patience level is at an all-time low, and I'm not sure what I can do to make that improve. I do know that it's not fair to Keaton when I lose my temper or can't control my emotions when I'm overwhelmed, it's something I have to get a grip on. I just feel so incompetent lately!! Casey has been very supportive and encouraging, I just need to find a way to calm down, breathe, and reassess the situation. Easier said than done, but I think it will help everyone in my family if I can make it happen.

In other news, I'm trying my best not to be intimidated by my photography classes. I'm not exactly pleased with my pics on the first assignments (being stuck inside the house is not helping me come up with good topics to shoot!) and I'm a little lot nervous to show the rest of my classmates what I've done so far.

Enough of this negativity... sounds like Keaton is waking up now. Thanks for letting me vent!

-Ash