The End

... of winter (I hope!), a crappy week (for Dr. Hetrick), and nursing.

Keaton and I went to the park this afternoon. The temps were in the upper 40s, which is like a heat wave around here, so we took full advantage. Keaton got to swing and play on a few of the little kid's toys, and also got to play with bubbles, which made he and his friend Nolan pretty happy. We came home and thawed out a bit, and then Keaton fell asleep in my arms, which never happens. He is either getting sick or growing or teething... who knows... but a few things are indicating that he is not himself right now. 1) He cried when I put him in the swing at the park. 2) He was scared of this bubble machine that we put in the bathtub that our friend Lucas had... I thought he would LOVE it, but he actually got scared enough that he refused to take a bath tonight! He never gets scared of things (besides the garbage disposal)... weird. 3) He just woke up a bit ago, about 30-45 minutes after we put him down for bed, and was pretty upset. I'm not sure if he spit up because he was crying, or cried because he spit up. Everything is a big question mark right now... so I guess we'll just wait and see how he is tomorrow. He didn't have a fever or anything, thank goodness. Hopefully he'll wake up happy so he and Case can spend some quality time together.

Case has had a pretty craptastic week so far. Things at work went from bad to worse, and it's almost like he's doing two or three people's jobs right now. Between that and meetings that run late, he goes into work around 4:30 a.m. and has not been home much before 6 each night this week, which doesn't allow him much time with Keaton. I have tried to be understanding about his schedule and time at work; I know it hasn't been easy for him. The guy works his tail off, and sometimes I think instead of people realizing that, they just take advantage of it. Here's hoping the guy gets a break in the very near future!

Finally, I had an urge to blog earlier about this topic, but I will forewarn you- it's about breastfeeding. Those of you who don't care about it or don't want to know that much information about me, please consider this the end of this entry. For the rest of you (anyone? anyone?), here is my dilemma.

I never thought I would be so attached to breastfeeding. I mean, in the non-literal sense. LOL... okay, I'm done. Anyway, since we are going to start weening Keaton in the next few weeks, I didn't realize how difficult it would be- emotionally. I will not miss the nursing tanks, or having to make sure I wear a shirt that is easier access when we go places just in case I need to feed him (which hasn't been quite an issue lately since he basically eats what we eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner).We had such a tough time in the beginning to get him to start nursing, but once he caught on, life was so much easier!! I started to enjoy having quiet time with him, and rocking him when he woke up in the morning or before bed at night. It was like our bonding time. I guess I just never processed what it would be like NOT to nurse him anymore. I really thought we'd be done with it when he got his first tooth... now, 8 teeth later, we're still going strong. I dunno. I guess part of me (the illogical part... a big chunk) feels like for some reason he won't need me anymore. I know that's nowhere close to true, but I can't help but feel like my duties as a Mom to provide for my child have been a bit truncated. Is that as ridiculous as it sounds? Does anyone out there know what I'm talking about? I know it's not like I will suddenly fall off the face of the earth and not be important to him anymore, but the thought of this bond we have coming to an end makes me emotional. Ugh... who knows. Here I go getting all Emo on you. Sorry. Maybe it'll be just like it was at the beginning- tough, but better for both of us in the long run.

Well I guess that's enough for one day. I should probably hit the sack soon since, if this week is any indication, Mr. K will wake up at least twice tonight. I sincerely hope that my will power increases in a very short amount of time, or this is going to be tough.

-Ash